So in the light of it, can you love me, can you love me, can you love me, can you want me, oh, can I do?

Good morning and welcome to episode 430 of Effectively Wild Detaily Podcasts from Baseball

Perspectus, presented by the baseballreference.com play index. I am Ben Lindbergh,

joined today by the latest in a line of BP authors filling in for Sam Miller,

Russell Carlton. Hello, Russell. Hello. We are also joined by an accomplished

major league pitcher, broadcaster, writer. You have- No, no, then you already introduced me.

Sorry, you've already read his trilogy about his time in the game, hopefully.

The bullpened gospels and out of my league and most recently bigger than the game.

You have seen his work on TBS or SportsNetCanada. He is Dorkayhurst. Hey, Dork. Hello, boys.

So you have had a busy writing week. You've written some things for Deadspin,

some things for Bleacher Report, and we wanted to talk to you about those. So the first thing was

sort of prompted by Michael Pineda and whatever he was using on his hand in his

start against the Red Sox last week and all the controversy around that. And, of course,

you have been at the center of some similar controversy with other pitchers in the past.

And you wrote a guide to Dr.ing the Ball for Deadspin, which is very, very thorough.

I could not pitch in the major leagues, but I feel like if I could pitch, I could now cheat

properly having read your piece. So can you take us through a little bit the various

substances that are used or what you used as a major league pitcher? Well, I'd love to.

First, the idea was kind of to create this DIY cheating manual for the person who wants to put

crap on the ball and cheat. And I find it just ironic that last year around this time,

Clay Buckholz was called out by me for putting stuff on the ball. And he was caught

kind of rubbing from his forearm to put stuff on the ball. And when I noticed this,

...