Hey quick one, make sure you get out to the art of coaching compound on October 3rd and 4th for our non-superficial bullshit conference. This is not to be over-complicated. I wanted to put together a lineup of people who are really intelligent and who wanted to talk about how they overcame or are still overcoming a wide variety of things in their personal and professional life. Now when I say overcame, I don't mean these are people that are like dealing with some mind numbing problem. Right, this isn't a hyper-specific, oh, this is only for people in their 40s or only for people who are thinking about taking a new job.

No, this is for anybody that just wants to get around sharp people and hear how they manage hard times in their life, how they manage their finances, how they manage working with their spouse, how they manage reinventing themselves. That's a big part of what I'm going to talk about after nearly 20 years in one career, I switch careers. There's tie-ins to so many of our professional journeys about that. We have another person that's talking about

parenting and stuff that they you you know, which they would have known sooner. I told people, listen, we don't need to hear a bunch more about secrets of the shoulder or secrets of the microbiome or five things to do with this technology. People just want to hear about the shit that there is right in front of them in the real world. And more importantly, if you just want to get around, I still think it is always beneficial to to get around educated people who are going to talk about a wide range of topics in a very laid-back chill atmosphere. And that is what this is going to provide. Okay? So I can tell you who it's not for. If you want to go to a massive conference, you want to go to a hotel ballroom, you want to have like 13 meet and greets and all kinds of different activities you can do. This is not your jam. If you want to get together, let's think of it as a very cool backyard grill out. Will there be hiking? Sure. Will there be opportunities to swim? Work out. Connect with others. have a lunch, get around great weather, and even

better people, absolutely.

So go to artofcoaching.com slash events now.

You are not going to find a better lineup and a better opportunity.

I think tickets started like $250 with a pre-order of my book and go up to around 500 or so.

So check it out now again, artofcoaching.com slash events. Welcome to the Art of Coaching podcast. I'm Brevart Thalamw and at a young age, poor communication nearly calls me my life. Now, I help others navigate the great area of social interaction, power dynamics and communication so they can become more adaptable leaders regardless of their profession, age or situation. This podcast is for everybody who is fascinated with solving people

problems. So if you're in the no-nonsense type who appreciates frank conversations, advice you can put to use immediately and learning how others navigate the of you reach out via text and said you wanted this to be a podcast, so here it is. Here's a context. I had recently written a newsletter and the subject line was pretty straightforward. The unwritten rules and unseen forces that are screwing you over and what to do about it. And the impetus came because I had a close friend and a client who thought they were a shoe in for a job. And without belaboring the point, had all the credentials, had a great amount of experience. Brilliant guy didn't get the job. Found out as many of us have throughout our career, that the job was really already taken. And the post and the job posting, and even the interview were kind of perfunctory. Had another client, another client, had to go to court recently about something, nothing overly dramatic. And found that at the end of the day, he hadn't kind of prepared the way he thought he was supposed to prepare. He didn't understand how he needed to start off his monologue or the statement of the facts when he went to court. He didn't realize that there were some other things that he could have done that probably would have set him up for success instead. He came hyper organized but just really didn't get to the point of some things and the case ended up getting thrown out and now he's gotta do it again. And then I have another friend who has been on a number of bad dates and I can appreciate this because I remember when I started dating again for the first time, what was it like last year? And man, that was interesting as somebody that had never had experience with apps and stuff like that, It was a very good reminder of why I will never be going back to that world, no disrespect to anybody that has had luck with that. But let's just say this, I quit dating, I think in August of last year, because it could have been a reality TV show. But the point being he was like, I kept meeting great people. I thought these dates went well, and then I wouldn't hear back.

So I'm like, you know, there are some things that I think people benefit from hearing about that sometimes explain why inputs don't always equal outputs in our life, right? And I say this in the newsletter, few things are worse than the feeling that you put your all into something or that you showed up like a professional or whatever the context is,

and then you get a dramatically different result

than you expected. You thought you let a really good staff meeting, but then you hear people are still confused and others might even be pissed off. You thought you helped somebody get great results in something that you did, but then you find out that they wanna quit or they don't wanna continue.

As my friend was talking about, you thought you had a great date, then you never hear from that person again. You thought you nailed an interview, and then they go with somebody else. And all of this is part of the everyday shit storm of life, right? And the truth is, as absurd as it sounds, one of the things I told that client is like, and interviews not always an interview.

Sometimes it's literally just somebody

keeping tabs on you for a future opportunity. They want to assess your critical thinking. They want to see if you're a viable candidate. And to that point, a meeting is an always a meeting. That could be your boss, testing your problem solving ability. I remember when I was shopping, what is now my book around early on before I had a publisher, right? You're meeting with a lot of different people and they have very different questions and not all of them are asking the same thing that you think they're asking. There's a lot of things going on behind the scenes. And then of course, a date isn't always a date. Sometimes it's another person just trying to figure out if they're ready to meet somebody new and That was my first experience back on the dating scene, which was really interesting Brilliant woman had a great conversation. We kept it simple had coffee And I remember after I was like, hey, you know, I'm happy to set up number two I just didn't want to make it yeah, I want to make it seamless for the very least You know, I wasn't quite sure how I felt about her, but dating's a process. And so I'll give this another go. And I remember her texting back and just being like, hey, you know, how to great time. I have to be honest, as crazy as this sounds, I laughed more than I have ever laughed in quite a while. I'm like, oh, cool. That's great. And she goes, yeah, except it kind of threw me into,

and these were her words, an existential crisis. And I realized that I might not be ready to date quite yet. Now, whether that was a truth or not, and I'm not trying to be rude, I don't really care. This was not the one. This was more of a process of, you have a nice conversation somebody you're willing to see where it goes.

But I appreciated if that was honesty, just saying,

hey, even her laughing, I don't know, maybe her ex was a comedian or something, I didn't get too deep into this. But that was clearly, I mean, she later on just said she shouldn't have been even dating. She wasn't ready to see other people. So the point of this is, I could go deep on helping you make sense of everybody's weird bullshit, right? We all have our own too. Or I could just give you some tips on what to do about it so that you get taken advantage of, screwed over, left in the dust less, or just even confused left. So I don't care what the situation is, whether you are finding yourself navigating an interesting interview process, or maybe you're writing a book and you're going to talk to some publishers. Whatever it is, one key and I know it sounds obvious is try to ask people who have already been through it. Job interview with a certain organization, court appearance, buying or selling a home, hiring or leading or remote staff. I mean, I know there's a lot of things I wish I wouldn't know about that. Simply ask people like what caught you off guard. Somebody asked me recently they said, I want to run my own live events. What advice do you have for me? And I'm like, well, that's a longer story. But if you have some specific questions, I'm happy to answer those. But I always try to ask people, I just asked somebody recently like what what caught you off guard about your book launch? And this was somebody that at the New York Times best seller list just had a massive book launch. And he said, really, I, we felt like we were advertising this book forever. We even did 10 straight weeks of newsletter blasts about the book. Yeah, maybe he said 10 days in a row, but he's like, at the end of the 10 days, there were still people that were like, wait, you have a new book out. And so when you ask certain people what caught you off guard or what mattered more or less than you expected, you're gonna get some surprising answers. I also like to ask people, what ended up being a complete waste of your time? Some of those can be better than if you had to do it again, what would you have done differently? Because that's super broad. The gentleman that I advise in the courtroom scenario and he was representing himself, you know, the thing that he learned is when the judge had asked him to kind of state his case, what she was really asking what she wanted is, what you you want? So he should have said, you're on her, this is what I'd like from the court at the end of the day is one, two, three. Here's why and went into it, but he started launching into his story first and she stopped him right out of a gate and it just kind of threw him off. As it would throw off many people. So there's just always things that you learn.

They say experience isn't something you get till just after you needed it. And that is so true. It's so true. So don't hesitate. I know some of us can feel like we're asking, we're bothering people if we ask some questions. I mean, just do your due diligence, please. As I mentioned, I've been talking to a lot of other authors who have worked with major publishers because there's a lot of stuff regarding book launches that surface level outdated and sometimes some people are just like, well, get a publishing agency or get this and it's like, okay, I'm going to spend $30,000 and that's probably not, you know, I'm not going to do that. That's fine if that works for some people. Number two, this is in my opinion, I shouldn't really play favorites on my own podcast, but

I'd say this, keep an open mind and think strategically about what might really be going on. If somebody reaches out to me, I don't automatically assume this situation is exactly what they say it is. I try to keep an open mind and think strategically too. And this comes from experience. I understand some of you may not like what I'm about to say here, but I'm being honest and I think the best content is honest content. Somebody might say they want to connect or grab a cup of coffee. And okay, sometimes they do. Me living in Phoenix, there's a lot of people that make their way through Phoenix and And so, hey, you want to grab dinner, you want to do this.

Some of these people are close friends. Some of these people are long-term clients, which can be two in the same. Some of these folks are, okay, I know how this is going to go. The last time, the last three times I heard from this person, they needed something. But so they might need advice about something going on in their business. they might be trying to gather information.

This was something that I was really bad about

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