One of the newest things we're doing this year is in October I'm hosting what's called the non-superficial bullshit conference. This is something that started out as a joke, but now has become very real here in Phoenix, Arizona, October 34th at the new Art of Coaching compound. Now, the GEST.

Many- Now has become very real here in Phoenix, Arizona, October 3rd and 4th at the new Art of Coaching compound. Now, the gist. Many of us have heard about all of these conferences and maybe attended some of them where it's all about, oh, you gotta be a world beater. This is the truth about marketing or this is the secret of training and fitness and this is how to 10X your life and all this other stuff. What I wanted to build, me and my friend Jason Miden, actually, is something that spoke to people

that are actually dealing with struggles that are more real world every day, right? You've built and rebuilt businesses from the ground up. You want to hear from people that have done that. You want to hear from people that have struggled through failing relationships. Change cities, uprooted their lives, taken a risk on themselves, pivoted careers. How do you figure it all out when your previous playbook failed or changed? The through line for everything we're going to discuss at this conference, at this summit, at this gathering is all things that are real. Because we don't think people need more secrets or hacks. They need strategies to navigate hard conversations, brutal setbacks, and the chaos that comes with building literally anything that lasts. So all of the outputs, what are you gonna get? As always with our events, actionable solutions. We're not doing a bunch of nonsensical theory, direct unfiltered access, who is speaking myself, my good friend Jason, Missy Mitchell McBeath gunner Peterson stew Mcmillan Kelly and Juliet star red great friends of mine Jess Ellis Sanjeev Javier Jen Wheater strum and we are going to have so many more special guests all of these folks have dealt with these things all of these saying all of these folks have had to change their brand change the way they speak about certain topics in a different landscape. Move. Deal with managing kids and managing relationships. All of it. So we have three different tiers and you can get a discount by pre-ordering my new book, the Antihero Advantage with Penguin Random House. Just go to artofcoaching.com slash no BS. Literally, artofcoaching.com slash NOBS. If that doesn't work for you, just go to artofcoaching.com slash events. We are going to keep this at about 20 to 50 people. This is something special that we're doing. You're going to be on our property. It's going to be a lot of fun and it's like nothing we have ever done before. So check it out again, artofcoaching.com slash no BS. Welcome to the Art of Coaching Podcast. I'm Brett Bartholomew and at a young age, poor communication nearly calls me my life. Now, I help others navigate the great area of social interaction, power dynamics and communication so they can become more adaptable leaders regardless

of their profession, age, or situation. This podcast is for everybody who is fascinated

with solving people problems. So if you're in the no nonsense type who appreciates frank

conversations, advice you can put to use immediately and learning how others navigate the messy

realities of leadership, you're in the right place. I'm glad that you're joining us.

Let's dive in.

I'm glad that you're joining us.

Let's dive in. I'm glad that you're joining us. Let's dive in. I'm glad that you're joining us. Let's dive in. All right, get right to it today. This is something you can use immediately, whether you're on your morning drive to work right now,

you're walking the dog after work, anything like that.

This is something that I think is a tremendously underrated

topic, especially as a standalone topic. One of the best tips I can give you and something that I think you will find, I think you will find it to be valuable, I think you will find that people really appreciate it. When you ask it is simply asking people how they want feedback. One of the nicest compliments I got recently is somebody was talking to us about an insurface we did. They were talking about the structure of the course all of that, but they said there was one thing that you did that made the biggest difference to me. And you just came up to me right before you were about to coach me and you said,

how do you want feedback?

She's like, I've studied a lot about feedback over the years.

I know different types of feedback.

I've heard everything about this technique and that technique, but nobody ever,

really ever asked me how I would like feedback.

And she's like, that is something I need to ask every single person I lead in

coach. And it doesn't seem like a big deal, but here's where the real value lives within that. The insight, most people miss there is most people haven't thought about how they receive feedback until somebody actually asks them. So the act of you asking them and just asking, hey, how do you like feedback? How do you like to receive feedback? Does two things simultaneously? One, it gives you useful intel, and two, it signals to the other person that feedback is coming in a way that doesn't trigger their defenses right off the bat. You're not surprising them, you're not co-creating the conditions, there's not a big, but coming, which is often one of the problems with the sandwich technique. And that is the problem with receiving feedback which definitely listened to a previous episode on that how to get better at receiving feedback. But one of the things that you can do no matter when you have to give feedback to somebody is just disarm them. You have to get them in the psychological state where they're ready to receive the coaching. I'll say that again. One of the ways that you can become a more effective coach leader, guide teacher, manager, anything like that right off the bat is when you are giving somebody feedback, you have to do what you can to ensure they're in a psychological state to best receive that feedback. And I don't mean you need to make sure they had the perfect morning and you're not in control of all those things. Some of that accountability is on them. But by you saying, hey, how would you like to receive feedback or how do you appreciate the type of feedback, what type of feedback do you appreciate most in terms of how it's delivered? You are showing them that I care about you at an uncommon level, right? And this is power dynamics in action. action. That was another thing that was interesting is somebody was talking about how they perceive power dynamics as a negative thing. Well, and this is a whole side note, no relationship can exist without power dynamics. Even you as the listener, you have the power over me and that you can choose to unsubscribe and not listen to moral. But I have a certain form of power over you in that I have certain expertise, knowledge and insight that might help you. We have a shared dynamic we can learn from each other. So that's not power dynamics being a negative, right? And when you're asking somebody how they prefer to receive feedback, that is power dynamics in action because that's fundamentally you trying to build a better relationship with that person. All right. So most feedback conversations fail within the first 10 seconds because that person is getting defensive. They're worried about something that's coming. It's not even about what you said. It's about because what that other person assumes they're about to be told. And this is not a communication hack. This is something that is just old style values that people forget. Then we are like, it's not like you come up out of nowhere. This is something I talked to people about when they're seeking our one-to-one mentoring or we're doing in-services and it's a time to evaluate. Or I would do it with interns back in the day when I had interns when I was a strength coach.

They'd run a session, they'd do this and I'd say,

hey, all right, now how before we get into this, how do you prefer to receive feedback? Now, devil's advocate, does it mean you always cater to that? No, let's say somebody's like, oh well, mainly auditory or you know what, it would be better if you could just send it via email. I don't really want to have a face to face about that.

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