E252: Don’t Give Your Kids “The Talk” (do this instead)

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 19 March 2026

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Most parents dread “the talk.” How much are you supposed to say? When do you start? What if you say the wrong thing? If you’ve ever felt awkward, unprepared, or secretly hoped your kid would just… figure it out somewhere else — you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: talking to your kids about sex doesn’t make them reckless. Research shows it does the opposite. It reduces risky behavior, increases safety, lowers shame, and strengthens your relationship. And it’s never too late to start. In this episode, we break down how to move beyond one big, terrifying “talk” and instead create short, ongoing conversations that actually work. No lectures. No shame. Just practical, real-world guidance from a licensed sex therapist who’s been helping families navigate this for over 20 years. 💛 In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “The Talk” is a myth (and what to do instead). The research-backed benefits of talking to kids about sex. How to get clear on your why before you start. How to define your family’s guiding principles around sex. The 5 core conversations every parent should have (and how they evolve by age). Conversation starters and scripts you can actually use. What to say when your kid asks a question that completely catches you off guard. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to start. And that willingness? That’s what makes the difference 🔥 Want Step-By-Step Support? If you’re ready to become the parent your kid can talk to about anything — and you want all the guesswork taken out of it — Beyond The Birds & The Bees: Raising Smart, Safe, Shame-Free Kids gives you scripts, age-by-age guidance, and clear direction on how to raise safe, smart, shame-free kids. It’s not just about having better conversations. It’s about breaking cycles. 👉 Learn more here: vmtherapy.com/kids Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Staying hydrated isn't just about water - you also need electrolytes. That's why we love Cure. It's clean and tastes great! Real ingredients. Real hydration. You can grab Cure on Amazon or find a store near you. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and instantly book a doctor you love today. ➡︎http://Zocdoc.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Birch. I want my listeners to enjoy a deep, restful night's sleep with a new mattress from Birch and get 27% off. ➡︎ https://birchliving.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Free Shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I will speak for myself.
0:01.5	Like, my parents did not talk to me openly about sex.
0:05.0	They did, like, I asked for information, and they would not give it to me.
0:09.3	And I became sexually active at an age that, like, it was too young.
0:15.1	Looking back on it now, I really wish I had waited later.
0:18.0	But a big part of that for me was I got a thrill out of rebelling.
0:22.0	Like, oh, you're not going to tell me? Okay, fine. I'll do it.
0:32.5	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa.
0:37.4	And Zander Marin.
0:38.7	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the
0:43.8	ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:49.0	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical
0:54.0	relationship advice,
0:55.5	hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more.
1:01.7	It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:06.1	If you're listening to or watching this episode, it means you have already taken a huge step
1:12.4	that most parents never take.
1:15.2	You want to have healthy, honest, genuinely helpful conversations with your kid about sex.
1:24.3	You may be wanting to do better than your parents did for you. And we want to call that out
1:29.9	right in literally this first 30 seconds of the episode because that makes you an incredible
1:34.8	parent. I think this is just such an easy topic for so many of us to want to bury our heads
1:42.1	in the sand about. It feels scary, overwhelming.
	...

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