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Pillow Talks

E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.82.2K Ratings

🗓️ 28 August 2025

⏱️ 64 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes. And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected: Resentment toward your partner A crushing imbalance in the mental load Feeling “touched out” 24/7 Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other. 👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to. From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic. A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok. Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Our baby was born almost 11 months ago and we still have not been intimate. At this point,

0:03.9

I almost feel awkward a little bit about initiating anything because I feel so disconnected. I think

0:08.7

he feels the same. It's just like the elephant in the room now. How do we go about getting a spark back?

0:14.7

I've been feeling really different down there. And I'm scared. I might be too loose for sex now.

0:20.2

I really enjoy you reading the questions.

0:22.3

My partner says it's fine, but I can't help worrying that he notices something's changed. Is this

0:26.9

normal and will things ever feel the same again? Pre-pregnancy nipple stimulation was a huge turn on for me.

0:33.2

Oh yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I'm also, you know, I'm also postpartum, babe. Yeah. Yeah, I'm also, you know, I'm also postpartum, babe.

0:44.5

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.

0:50.6

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude.

0:55.0

We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

1:01.0

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice,

1:07.0

hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so

1:12.6

much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. The postpartum stage is one of the hardest

1:21.3

things that a couple can go through. You've just had this incredible life-changing experience of pregnancy and childbirth,

1:31.3

and now you're having to adjust to all these enormous changes. And I think we often talk about

1:36.9

the postpartum phase as snapping back or, you know, getting back to normal. And the truth is

1:42.4

there is no normal. Like everything in your relationship feels like it is different.

1:47.9

We turned to our Instagram community

1:49.8

and we asked couples, what came up for you

1:53.1

in the postpartum stage?

1:55.5

And boy, did you guys have a lot to say?

...

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