E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more)

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.8 • 2.2K Ratings

🗓️ 14 August 2025

⏱️ 67 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: - Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them) - The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean - The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both) - Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner? - What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s - How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame) - The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex) - Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence 🔗 Links & Resources - Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53 - Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy - Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Why we have kinks 08:27 – 7 most common fantasies 11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy 19:03 – Cuckolding 25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs 30:15 – Breeding kink 32:32 – Sex club with spouse 39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF 43:46 – Male anal play & pegging Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	My boyfriend 26 has enjoyed receiving play for quite some time.
0:04.0	However, in the last several months, it started to constantly pop up during sex, no matter what type of mood we're in going into it.
0:11.0	We also got a lot of questions about fantasizing during sex.
0:15.0	A lot of people asking, like, is it okay to fantasize about other people when I'm having sex with my partner?
0:22.6	By far and away, the most common question was about cuckolding.
0:28.6	Mm-hmm. Surprise, surprise.
0:30.6	What's the deal with cuckolding?
0:32.6	What the hell is cuckolding, Vanessa?
0:34.6	Hello and How hell is cock-holding, Vanessa?
0:43.6	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast.
0:45.3	We're your host, Vanessa.
0:46.5	And Zander Marin.
0:49.5	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.
0:51.1	And I'm just a regular dude.
0:53.4	We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you
0:54.4	step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date
0:59.5	full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of
1:05.6	what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:14.4	Today, we are going there and answering all of your questions about kinks and fantasies.
1:21.9	Oh, this will be good. We put a question box up on Instagram and we asked for people's questions. We said,
1:28.0	what are you curious about? What do you want to know? Is there anything you're struggling with
1:32.0	in your relationship? And I got to say, you know, I've been in this field for 20, over 20 years.
	...

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