E205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.8 • 2.2K Ratings

🗓️ 24 April 2025

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking: “Is this it?” “Why don’t I want sex more?” “How do I even bring this up with my partner?” You’re not alone — and this episode is for you. We’re walking through these submissions with curiosity, compassion, and practical tools to help these couples — and you — feel more connected, more confident, and more turned on by your sex life again. 💬 What we’re going deep on: - When your sex life is fine but also kind of meh - Why you might not know what you want and how to figure it out - How to handle performance anxiety (without hurting anyone’s feelings) - What to do if you’ve never had an orgasm (you’re not broken!) - When your partner wants sex every day and you’d rather do anything else - How to stop making sex feel like just another to-do 🔥 Resources mentioned in this episode: 💖 Deeper Membership - https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Our affordable, all-access monthly membership packed with expert-led courses, playful date night ideas, live coaching calls, and Vanessa AI — your on-demand sex therapist bestie. 💋 Ultimate Foreplay Guides - https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Whether you’re craving more excitement or just want a refresher on what actually feels good — these guides make foreplay easier, hotter, and way more fun for both of you. 🌸 Finishing School - https://vmtherapy.com/finishing-school?ref=podcast&utm_term=podcast Never had an orgasm? Not sure where to start? This course helps you overcome the emotional and physical blocks that might be getting in the way of pleasure. 💦 How to Have Your First Orgasm (Free Guide) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/best-orgasm A gentle, shame-free introduction to learning what feels good — and how to actually enjoy it. 🧠 Sex Drive Types Guide (Free) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type Are you responsive or spontaneous? This guide will help you understand your own desire type — and why it’s been causing friction in your relationship (spoiler: it’s not your fault). 🛠️ Performance Issues? We’ve got you. If you or your partner are struggling with performance anxiety or feeling pressure to “last longer,” check out these resources: - How to Talk to Your Male Partner About Performance Issues - https://vmtherapy.com/youtube-video/how-to-talk-to-your-male-partner-about-his-performance-issues/ - Ep. 149: Partner Performance Problems? Here's What To Do And What NOT To Do - https://vmtherapy.com/episode149 - Ep. 47: What Penis Performance Problems Really Mean - https://vmtherapy.com/episode47 - What to Do If You Have Performance Anxiety About Your Orgasm - https://vmtherapy.com/vanessa-marin-sex-therapy/what-to-do-if-you-have-performance-anxiety-about-your-orgasm/ 📲 Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list — Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 💬 Follow us on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & review — New episodes drop **every Thursday**! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	We're telling people to do those little things that like we all know we should be doing,
0:03.4	but we're not doing them.
0:05.0	But they do make such a big difference.
0:07.0	Like having that quality time where you're asking each other interesting, meaningful questions
0:12.1	rather than just getting your phones out and putting on the same old Netflix show.
0:16.2	It's having, you know, taking that time to make eye contact with each other,
0:20.6	to have non-sexual touch, like give each to make eye contact with each other, to have non-sexual
0:22.0	touch, like give each other kisses, to hug each other. Like, those things really do make
0:26.8	such a big impact.
0:34.1	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.
0:40.2	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups
0:45.6	and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:50.6	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice,
0:57.1	hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more.
1:03.3	It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
1:07.8	Today we are going deeper with a few couples.
1:12.9	So a few weeks ago, we did something brand new for the podcast.
1:18.1	We had voice notes from couples, like walking us through what's going on in their relationship,
1:24.4	the challenges that were coming up, the questions that they had.
1:56.0	And our initial plan with that episode was to do three couples. We had three different sets of voice notes. And we ended up having so much fun with that episode that we just did one. So we gave so much value. You know, so much to talk about. Yeah, no. We had a great time. Like really. Yeah. We got into the middle of it and we were like, okay, well, we could try to speed through this one and get to these other ones, or we could just like do this one the justice that it deserves. And we did. So now we got some more. Because I think there's just something so unique about being able to hear someone's voice as they're describing
2:01.1	an issue. We've shared a million stories from our community, but it's us reading it versus
2:07.1	somebody in their own voice, like kind of stumbling over the words and feeling awkward, and you
	...

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