E197: Ask A Sex Therapist - Resentment, Sexual Frustration, And The Death Grip

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 27 February 2025

⏱️ 64 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas. From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break it all down with practical, shame-free advice. In This Episode, We Cover: 💬 How to address it when your partner gropes you in their sleep 🧼 Balancing household chores with a partner who wants affection right now 😩 What to do if your partner struggles with death grip 😔 Bouncing back after a disappointing sexual experience 😤 Is “sexual frustration” really a thing? 🔄 How to stop being defensive in your marriage 🚨 NEW FREE Guide! 🚨 Ever struggle with how to start intimacy? We joke a lot about bad initiation styles (hello, awkward boob grabs) but we want to help you find what actually works. That’s why we created a brand-new FREE guide to help you figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can create a spark your way. ✨ Download it for FREE here: vmtherapy.com/styles 🔗 Links & Resources: ✨ Listen to EPISODE 158: Maybe It’s Not Low Libido… https://vmtherapy.com/episode158 ✨ Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197 ✨ Treat Your Partner to the Best F0repl@y they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197 ✨ Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197 ✨ Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ✨ Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. ✨ Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Goodwipes is naturally scented and hypoallergenic. Free from harsh chemicals, parabens, and dyes. Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	In general, there are two types of people in the world.
0:02.5	There are some people who like to feel emotionally connected before having sex.
0:07.5	And there are some people who have sex as a way to feel emotionally connected.
0:13.0	How to stop being defensive in my marriage.
0:17.0	Ooh, that's a million dollar question right there.
0:21.2	Just learned about the death grip.
0:24.2	My man definitely does it.
0:26.5	How do I help?
0:28.8	So, Xander, can you explain what the death grip is?
0:44.5	Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.
0:50.9	I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:55.2	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical
1:00.2	relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom
1:05.9	doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. So every Sunday on Instagram,
1:15.1	we do ask us anything day. We put up a little question box. We take people's questions,
1:20.8	and we do our very best to answer as many as we can. But lately, the questions have been out of control.
1:29.8	There's so many good questions.
1:31.7	It's so hard to pick which ones to answer.
1:35.1	So I've been saving a little backlog of questions that we just didn't get around to on a particular
1:41.0	Sunday for a particular reason, but I really wanted to come back to them.
1:45.3	And eventually the backlog got so big that I thought, you know what, we should just do a whole
1:50.5	episode about it. So today we're going to be going through questions about sexual frustration.
	...

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