If he's into 13-year-olds, he's used to fucking on a shitty mattress.

This is not...

He's used to a small, insufficient mattress.

I didn't think of that.

It just gets him in the mood.

From the smallest room in New York City comes a show that gives you a reason to live.

A tourist was attacked at her Manhattan hotel room by a crazed naked German violinist.

Visiting New York City, expect the unexpected.

The 64-year-old North Carolina resident was in her room at the Hudson Hotel, getting ready

for a day at the Metropolitan Museum Fart when there was a knock at the door.

But it wasn't housekeeping.

It was renowned naked, classical musician,

42-year-old Stefan Arsberger,

the wild-eyed fiddler, barged into her room,

wrapped both hands around her neck.

It made an evil hiss,

and wrote a quick sonatina in the key of choke.

And it sounded something like this.

Of course, the subtlety of the internationally acclaimed violinist technique was completely lost on the victim.

All I can tell you is this man was definitely trying to kill me, said the sobbing tourists. Ah, mute your F-hole.

If you don't appreciate the arts, take it to Orlando.

Maybe he's a little high-strung, but his fingering was perfect.

...