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Welcome back to fake news everybody wow super excited to be here great to be here

a lot going on this past week really excited going on kind of like your outfits today I'm feeling like a douche

you are the lead singer of Lincoln box seats you are looking where would you like to go?

Lincoln's box seats thank you baby Lincoln box seats come on and just so you know

uh... brand involved here thank you for yeah specify that's what you're gonna take a hard stance on

you were in a fucking cowboy hat and you're getting upset about him. Jared has a lovely cowboy hat on

I have recently taken ownership of a lot of oil in Texas oh you're an oil man so I figured I would dress the

part I'm having a midlife crisis and I look like I just bought a red Ferrari or something I would say like a yellow

Corvette yellow yeah that's been talking right cool so that is oh by the way this was just in this morning

guys there was a level seven earthquake in Wilmington North Carolina breaking news

ladies and gentlemen breaking news what do you have for us Matthew it is actually not an earthquake it

was Ross Patterson walking into the gas station so I am sorry for the uh... double burn on that one

double burn it was an earthquake joke for North Carolina and a burn on Ross yeah that's a lot of

boom-boom it sounds like the T-Rex and Jurassic Park let's get into this dude I this this is

fucking hilarious almost it says a billion billionaire diamond trader dies during a penis enhancement

procedure yeah what do you got me so the guy was 65 which makes no sense no I mean he's 65

and a billionaire right right do you need to fuck with your dick at that point no you can buy that's

that's that's going to be my stance right out the gate is you've lived with this dick for 65 years

like at this point like and when did he get his billion dollars long time ago so it's it's kind of

to me it's like you didn't think of this before me you ever see blood diamond yeah he's a blood

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