Hello and welcome to the Drabblecast, episode 394.

The Drabblecast is a weekly audio fiction magazine that brings strange stories

by strange authors to strange listeners such as yourself.

I'm your host, Norm Sherman.

Happy holidays, folks.

Whether you're a Christian busting out the murre,

celebrating the birth of a holy baby,

an atheist cynically reminding everyone that Christmas has other roots tied in with a riotous week-long pagan celebration called Natales Solis-Solis-inictai, which roughly translates to birthday of the

Invincible Sun God, which who can deny the badass of that holiday title.

Or you're just, you know, beating people up at Walmart for a flat screen, business as usual.

There's another reason we all should naturally want to bust out the lights,

minora's, figgy pudding, whatever lights up your reindeer and get down this time of the year.

One reason that we can all get behind.

The Winter Solstice, the longest effing night of the year, when one of the Earth's poles has its maximum tilt away from the sun.

Big deal, you say, I want my presence, gimme gimme you say.

Well, just hold on there a minute, young boys and girls.

You know what's worse than getting coal and your stocking for being naughty?

A 50% infant mortality rate, an average life expectancy of 33 years,

like in the Middle Ages, starving to death just like your little brother did Timmy,

freezing your little undescended testicles off in a hut

around a small fireplace

while your mother wheezes with a mysterious illness

...