Dr. Stan Tatkin | Healing Toxic Relationships: What's The Bite That Fits Each Other’s Wounds? (Psychobiological Couples Therapy)

Wellness + Wisdom Podcast

Josh Trent

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 913 Ratings

🗓️ 16 May 2023

⏱️ 88 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The attachment system, as I see it, is a biological mandate that says "I can't quit you." We confuse it for love. The attachment system is nature's glue that holds us together and we think it's love but it's actually a very primitive existential threat, going all the way back to infancy that losing our primary attachment relationship feels like death. - Dr. Stan Tatkin

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Wellness + Wisdom Episode 548

Dr. Stan Tatkin, a best-selling author and developer of a Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT), joins Josh Trent on the Wellness + Wisdom podcast episode 548 to talk about the challenges people face in romantic relationships, attachment styles, and why love isn't enough.

What is the glue that holds two people together in a romantic relationship?

In this episode, you will learn what makes us feel threatened by our partners, how insecure attachment styles can be handled together with our partners, and why we pick the people in our lives based on our memory.

Listen To Episode 548 As Dr. Stan Tatkin Uncovers:

(01:30) Wired for Love
(09:20) Attachment Styles in Relationships
(27:15) Love Is Not Enough
(49:30) The Challenges of Romantic Relationships
(01:05:00) The Problem with The Human Condition

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	You said we have a bite that fits each other's wound. Can you share about that?
0:03.9	You and I find each other based on memory. Everything is memory. Almost everything we do.
0:09.6	Choices we make is memory-based, whether we know or not. I pick you based on familiarity and recognition.
0:16.4	If you were too strange, I may be able to have sex with you, but I couldn't commit because
0:23.6	you're too far away from home.
0:25.6	It's not that nature made a mistake.
0:27.6	It's that I still haven't learned how to deal with all these different states that I experience
0:34.6	that were unrepaired in childhood.
0:36.6	Because I recognize you, you are more likely
0:40.8	than not to play some of the characters in my life are to produce feelings in me that recall
0:49.8	other experiences with important people with me.
0:57.0	And so then I can confuse you with those people.
1:11.3	Stan, thank you for coming on the podcast. I was telling you before we hit the record button 10 years ago in one of my previous relationships,
1:16.5	my partner at the time gave me Wired to Love.
1:19.4	And I wasn't having it at the time.
1:20.9	I guess you could say my spiritual awakening or multiple came after that.
1:24.4	So it's a huge honor to have you on the podcast and to share your work. And it's such a
1:28.9	deep dive into how we do what we do, why we do what we do, not only with ourselves, Stan, but for
1:35.3	relationships, which seems to be everyone's biggest learning curve. So I appreciate you being here.
1:41.0	I'm glad. I'm glad you invited me, Josh. Pleasure. One of the things that I was
1:45.8	reflecting on this morning, I was actually sitting in the sauna space, and I was thinking about, I'm so great.
1:52.3	Sona space? Sona space is beautiful. You have a sauna space? Do you enjoy the sauna space? Well, I mean, you
	...

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