In episode 661 of Passion Struck, trauma psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton explains why so many high-achievers, caregivers, and leaders default to “keep the peace at any cost,” and how that pattern quietly erodes identity, boundaries, and well-being.We unpack how complex/relational trauma encodes “safety over self,” why talk-only approaches often stall, and the practical sequence for unfawning: notice → name → normalize → lower the bar → practice tiny boundary reps. Ingrid shares bottom-up tools for down-shifting physiological threat (breath, orienting, somatic tracking), scripts for gentler boundaries that don’t spike panic, and ways to rebuild self-trust after years of self-abandonment—at home, at work, and in leadership.If you’ve ever over-functioned at the office, shape-shifted in relationships, or felt invisible while doing “everything right,” this conversation gives you language for what’s been happening and a roadmap out of it.Visit this link for the full show notesGo Deeper: The Ignited Life SubstackIf this episode stirred something in you, The Ignited Life is where the transformation continues. Each week, I share behind-the-scenes insights, science-backed tools, and personal reflections to help you turn intention into action.Subscribe🔗  and get the companion resources delivered straight to your inbox.About Dr. Ingrid ClaytonIngrid Clayton, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and author whose work focuses on trauma, complex PTSD, and recovery. Her new book, Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, offers a step-by-step approach to healing the appease response and reclaiming your voice.Catch more of Dr. Ingrid Clayton: https://www.ingridclayton.com/If you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.Get the full companion workbook at TheIgnitedLife.netFull episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JohnRMilesListen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcastsEveryone deserves to feel valued and important. Show it by wearing it: https://startmattering.com/

Connect with John

• Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/
• Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/
• Keynotes, books, podcast, and resources: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
• Children’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
• Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/

Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it.

Disclaimer

The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice.