Dr. Ingrid Clayton on How to Heal the Chronic Fawn Response | EP 661

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

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4.9 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 9 September 2025

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In episode 661 of Passion Struck, trauma psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton explains why so many high-achievers, caregivers, and leaders default to “keep the peace at any cost,” and how that pattern quietly erodes identity, boundaries, and well-being.

We unpack how complex/relational trauma encodes “safety over self,” why talk-only approaches often stall, and the practical sequence for unfawning: notice → name → normalize → lower the bar → practice tiny boundary reps. Ingrid shares bottom-up tools for down-shifting physiological threat (breath, orienting, somatic tracking), scripts for gentler boundaries that don’t spike panic, and ways to rebuild self-trust after years of self-abandonment—at home, at work, and in leadership.

If you’ve ever over-functioned at the office, shape-shifted in relationships, or felt invisible while doing “everything right,” this conversation gives you language for what’s been happening and a roadmap out of it.

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About Dr. Ingrid Clayton

Ingrid Clayton, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and author whose work focuses on trauma, complex PTSD, and recovery. Her new book, Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back, offers a step-by-step approach to healing the appease response and reclaiming your voice.

Catch more of Dr. Ingrid Clayton: https://www.ingridclayton.com/

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Coming up next on Passionstruck.
0:02.0	I feel like people have been stuck in a chronic fawn response and they don't know it.
0:07.5	They actually think they're being kind or empathic or generous and they don't understand
0:13.0	the degree to which these characteristics that belong to them are essentially being hijacked for the sake of other and the level of self abandonment
0:24.6	that this create. We think we're being kind, but we don't realize that by solely prioritizing
0:30.1	everybody else, we're not being kind to ourselves. And so highlighting this is incredibly
0:36.2	important personally and professionally and then some. If I don't have a sense of self, how can I fully show up in the world?
0:43.3	Welcome to Passionstruck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turned their wisdom into practical advice
0:55.7	for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality
1:02.0	so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice
1:07.7	and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the
1:12.8	week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military
1:20.4	leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passionstruck.
1:26.1	Welcome back to episode 661 of Passionstruck.
1:30.4	I want to begin by thanking you for being here.
1:33.4	Over 36% of you returned every single week, and I can't tell you how much that support
1:38.5	means.
1:39.4	It reminds me that together, we're building not just a podcast, but a global movement. I have a quick update.
1:46.7	After years in the making, I am so thrilled to announce the launch of the Passion Struck Network,
1:53.5	a mission-aligned network redefining the creator economy around mattering, not metrics. We're building
1:59.7	creator-first shows and intentional communities where authenticity beats noise
2:04.8	and impact beats impressions.
	...

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