Hello and welcome to Dopey, the podcast about drugs addiction and dumb shit and I'm Dave.

If you guys haven't heard, I'm sure most of you have heard that Chris died, you know, probably about a month ago now or three weeks ago and I've decided to try to keep doing the show as best as I can and do a bunch of Chris centered episodes and this is one of those I am in my attic in my new house.

I was sequestered into the attic because my partner was like she wouldn't let me record in the dining room. She wanted to run in the house with the children and I threw a fit. I was screaming and yelling that I should be able to record the show in the dining room that it's really important that it's too hot in the attic.

But as it turns out the attic is really nice. It's like I'm overlooking the backyard there's a little bit of a breeze it's probably like 95 degrees but who cares nobody's here I have a desk it's very very comfortable and think I'm going to use this attic as much as I can.

So I wanted to read some stuff that you guys sent in about Chris. I'm going to start with one of his favorite dopey nation members dopey listeners Leah Lemberg and she wrote Dave. I just don't know what to say I can't believe it's been a week. This is a week when she wrote this and I've still been processing Chris's death. It must sound trivial given that I didn't know him in person.

But like every other dopey nation member has said I really feel like I had a deep connection with him and through the stories that he told. He was helpful in chatting with me and providing perspective when my husband relapsed to and I think that recent experience is what makes Chris's death so jarring.

How the fuck do two extremely intelligent people who are working with addicts who have years of schooling specifically and counseling psychology who have years and sobriety how do they go back out.

It's so incredibly frustrating and I know that you can't think yourself sober. I know it takes daily work and a commitment to being sober but it still makes me so sad and presently just so damn angry.

You're right Chris had nothing but a life of possibilities ahead it's such it's just such a shame. I'm just rambling I know but I want to say from the bottom of my heart thank you for this podcast and the community that you and Chris have created.

It means more to me than I ever realized I'm so glad I got to meet you even briefly keep doing what you're doing.

And Chris if there is a heaven or a highlight reel you're watching and there's access Facebook messenger where that is.

There's access Facebook messenger where that is you are so missed I love you both and that's Leah and I know Chris always love Leah and always wanted Leah to be a part of the show and always was wondering what Leah thought of stuff.

And I was going to set up a dopey closed group right before Chris died and Leah was going to be the administrator and then after Chris died this guy Andrew set up a closed group called the dopey nation where a lot of you might be right now and it's pretty cool I'm glad you guys are doing it.

It's like humbling to say the least to see you know that me and Chris created this thing and and it's been so well received I mean all of the messages that we've gotten from you guys just nuts it's crazy here's a voice mail we got from a super dopey regular corn mac and play that now.

What's up Dave what's up everybody this is corn mac I can't believe this so sad about it.

And anyway I just want to share a few things I remember back in March of 2016 I got picked to write the email on this daily email list where a few thousand people got it every day.

I know Chris has told this story too and I wrote about an experience plugging MXE and DPP and Chris wrote an email to me saying something like man I used to be into all that research chemical stuff too you should check out our podcast.

And so that was I think the first one I listened to was when Chris ate too much LSD and got lost in the city in his boxers I was a good one so I was hooked right away and I realized Chris and I had a lot in common we both were obsessed with drugs and pharmacology and probably read half the experience reports on air with it and just so curious about consciousness.

Consciousness and experimented on our consciousness and you know I think I really could relate to him that way it was cool to hear somebody else who had experienced that it's like not something you run into people every day who who've done that.

But you know I was using and I would I would get so mad when you guys would start talking recovery and just like resentful about it and you know should got crazy for me I was taking a lot of dissociative and it finally hit the fan and from from listening I just thought well this is not the case.

12 steps shit his work for you guys and I'll give it a shot I gotta do something I knew I had to change and so I started going to meetings and I've been really lucky I just found some peace and I really owe so much of it to Chris for reaching out and to you Dave and to everybody who sends their stories and I'm going to do some things.

I'm just happy that we still have everything he shared and I still can feel the feelings that he's given me and I'll always be able to do that.

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