Don't Use the Word Why, Here's Why with Larry Hagner

The Dad Edge Podcast

Larry Hagner

Project, Self-improvement, Stevenson, Podcast, Edge, Education, Kids, Shawn, Family, Kids & Family, Fathers, Fatherhood, Community, Advice, Dad, Good, Health & Fitness, Children

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 16 July 2021

⏱️ 7 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The word "why" should be eradicated from our vocabulary for several reasons. First, every time we use the word "why," we instantly put the person we are talking to on the defense. We don't necessarily mean to. It sometimes occurs because we are curious why the other person thinks that way, or why someone did something.

The reason we hate hearing the word "why" stems from our childhood. When we were younger, we heard a lot of, "What are you doing? Why are you doing that?," if you were doing something you weren't supposed to. The problem with this is that we probably didn't know it was wrong, and we were immediately thrust into defensive mode. This made us cringe at the word "why" because we associate it with something bad, even though it doesn't always mean that.

For example, you might have an employee that does something really well, and you want to know why they did that. However, when you ask your employee why they did that, it immediately puts them into a defensive state. Instead of asking them "why," ask them to tell you about it. They will be much more open to explaining why they did what they did, without being defensive about it.

Another example could be a person asking you why you gave your child their name. They might not be asking in a bad way, but it makes us feel like we named them something wrong. The person might actually be thinking that they're name is really cool and wants to know the meaning behind it. However, we don't see it this way when they say the word "why."

Providing an environment of psychological safety is the number one way to get someone to open up to you. Instead of feeling defensive about something, they will feel invited to communicate why it happened or what they did. For example, if your child gets a bad grade on a test, our immediate response is "why." This propels them into becoming defensive and coming up with excuses why they got a bad grade. Instead of asking them why, try saying, "tell me about that." This opens the door for communication and lets your child feel comfortable telling you what went wrong.

For the show notes and exclusive links mentioned in this episode go to https://gooddadproject.com/friday7/

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Transcript

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0:00.0	We are men, we are warriors, we are dads, dads with a purpose, dads with an edge.
0:10.6	We sharpen our skills so we can show up best for others.
0:14.8	We have one shot in life to be a dad.
0:20.6	Why not make it epic?
0:28.0	What's up guys? Welcome to the dad edge podcast. I'm Larry Hagner, your host and founder
0:32.4	of this show. This one's going to be a quick one for you guys today. It is something so
0:38.4	important though as it pertains to communication with our kids, with our wives, people that
0:45.7	we work with, whether we're reporting to somebody, whether people report to us, whether
0:49.7	they have coworkers, friends, relatives, the whole nine yards. There's one word that
0:54.6	we need to eradicate completely and totally out of our vocabulary and for several different
0:59.0	reasons. The word is this. Why? W-H-Y. Why? Take the word why out of your vocabulary and
1:09.7	let's explore this here for a second. The reason we want to do that is because every time
1:16.3	we use the word why when we're speaking with someone or asking why, we actually put
1:22.8	that person on the defense. Now we might not mean to. Might not mean to do it at all.
1:29.9	In fact, sometimes we might be asking the word why and it's something good. Hey, I saw
1:34.4	you kick the ball that way. I saw you kick the ball really, really hard on the field.
1:37.6	Why did you do that? Right? And we genuinely want to know why because we thought it was
1:43.1	good. We can also use the word why when it's not so great. Like our kid comes to us and
1:48.4	they have a D on the science test and they say, Hey, dad, I got to tell you something.
1:51.4	I got a D on the science test. Be like, wait, wait, hold on. What do you mean you got a D
1:55.3	on the science test? Why did you get to D on the science test? Immediately what you're
1:58.9	doing is you're putting that person on the other side on the defense. Like literally
	...

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