It was one of those days where I got up into the pulpit and it just seemed like every word that I wanted to say wouldn't come and I just felt the terrible sterile absence of God. And I felt like a hypocrite.

Never again am I going to allow my feelings to determine the truth of God's promised

presence. I will never forget a time where I was speaking to a church where I was serving as a

visiting pastor because the regular minister was extremely ill.

And it was a great crisis for the people because their pastor was dying. And he was greatly beloved by the congregation.

And I was called upon to do a special service at the church and it was a communion service.

And I remember how deeply I wanted this to be an unforgettable moment in the life of the people

of this congregation because I knew they were looking to me to help usher them into the presence of God.

And so I prayed earnestly for that service, I prepared a special sermon, and I remember it was one of those days where I got up into the pulpit and it just seemed like every word that I wanted to say wouldn't come, that my mind was blank, that I was lethargic, and I just felt the

terrible sterile absence of God.

And then I went and proceeded through the Lord's Supper and I felt like a hypocrite

because I felt so unmoved by the whole thing.

And I remember at the close of the service I felt like such a failure

that after I pronounced the benediction I didn't want to have to go stand at the back door

and greet the people I wanted to run I wanted to find a place to hide. So I didn't. I went to the

back door and I stood there to greet the people. And I'll never forget it because one person

after another just came out of there with this look of raptured bliss on their face

and they said to me and they squeezed my hand, oh pastor I've never felt the presence of God like I did today and the whole congregation's

kind of experienced the revival and I missed it. I walked out of there and I thought

never again am I going to allow my feelings to determine

the truth of God's promised presence.

Of course I had the struggle with that vow because there are many times since then that I have wrestled with that same sensation.

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