I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing.

I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and undependent.

I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

Welcome to Dear Old Dan's, the podcast that's not being invited back.

Tom Curry, I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, hello. Oh, so many reasons that

I would not be invited back to any particular place. You'd use that as a universal intro,

Thomas. If Tom's ever sick and you need to intro the show, just go ahead and... Yeah, Eli, why did you just

DM me on the side? Is this something I did? What am I,

what are you talking about? To be fair, I set up Zapier to just send you that every day at

noon, so... Yeah, no, this was a, this was a doozy. This was one of those immediately messaging

the dads, you know, like, what the fuck is happening?

So here's what happened to me.

We went to 1,800,000 birthday parties last weekend because, as I joked on Facebook, if you're a math nerd,

the birthday paradox is every single day you're going to a kid's birthday party because you

have kids.

That's the birthday paradox.

And it's a probability thing. It's a counterintuitive. Every fucking day is someone's birthday.

And then you go to a birthday party. And it's 111 degrees too. So that's also fun. So anyway,

this was one of those parents of kids that really went all out. They had two, not one, but two, like water. You know,

it's not a bounce house. It was like a bounce and water house. You know, like it was a combination

bounce house plus water flowing through it. It was amazing. Nice. We love it. Yeah. And so and also catered

...