I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing.

I know now what I can offer you that no one else can.

Complete and undependent.

I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's carrying water for baggage. I'm Tom Curry, and I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen.

Hello. Given the cold openings of our show, you guys are now going to spend 10 minutes

talking about how much you love filling your suitcases with water and, oh, I have to take

them all in at the same time. You know how you put it between your teeth and your back bowlers?

Oh, it's the best feeling of the world. Actually, I do have a story real quick. Did I ever tell you guys the story of when I almost killed somebody with two suitcases? I think I may have actually killed somebody. No. I'm glad that the Madlib of Tom stories, the wheel of Tom, like, you have a wheelie spin. I almost, let's see, what's a verb? Killed, and let's see, none, let's see with what? A bowling ball. And then he's like, did I ever tell you about the time? I got a story about that. I almost killed someone with a luggage cart, so I'm very excited. Our stories are probably the same. Am I the only not murderer on this show that I know? This one's pretty rough. This is not going to paint me in the best light, but I don't. It's funny anyway. So Haley and I were traveling from Australia. We were in Sydney, Australia, and we were going to Fiji. I'll spare you a lot of the details, but suffice to say we were running late through no fault of our own. We were running late to the airport because of traffic and taxi

problems. Then we got to the airport in Sydney. There had been a volcano eruption recently,

which created this huge like backlog of lines and people scrambling for, uh, you know, different flights

and all this crazy shit. I remember when that happened. Oh, man. And so there's only one flight a day

from Sydney to Fiji. There's one flight a day from Sydney to Fiji.

There's one flight a day.

So we have to make this flight because then like your transport, all of your subsequent

transportation, everything is like, it's all got a fall line.

So we're like, and at Sydney Airport is enormous.

It's just absolutely an enormous airport.

And I've got, I had bought these tickets

many, many months before the event. So I didn't buy like the baggage extra or whatever. I was like,

I'll just check. However many bags we pack, I'll check them when we get there. And we're flying this

...