I'm the cool dad. That's, that's my thing.

I know now what I can offer you that no one else can. Complete and undependent.

I'm a man. I'm sensitive. I need to feel loved. I need to be desired.

Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy.

Welcome to Dear Old Dads, the podcast that's shooting up to Slim Down. I'm Tom Curry. I'm joined as always by Thomas Smith and Eli Bosnick. Hello, gentlemen. That's right, everyone. We've

started doing heroin for weight loss. It's going well. It's going to the only way we can do it.

It would work. It's slim down. My heroin sheiks a thing. Have you guys noticed some side effects,

though? Of the heroin? Yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking thrilled. Sex feels too good. That's my issue with it. It's like a warm blanket of joy. No, I'm like a jazz musician. I'm like a really good jazz musician. I don't really know why. I've never played the trombone, but I picked it up the other day, started playing it on a park bench, and the woman next to me started crying, got back together with her husband. It's pretty much it. I've never had any positive feelings from opiates, even when I've had them like for pain stuff or whatever. I've had morphine and oxy. But you were in the middle of being in Tom levels of pain. That's not fair, Tom.

Yeah, okay, that's fair.

That's like me being like, I never really enjoyed a Paul Tamis Anderson movie

because the first time I was watching one, I was in a car crash.

And it was playing.

I don't know, man.

I've heard like, people are like, oh, my God.

Like, I had, you know, I took this for this medical thing and like it was awesome. And I'm like, I fucking never had. They were in normal human amounts of pain, Tom. They went in to get an operation done on their foot. They had, oh, my back's a little sore. And then they took an opiate, which fucking rules. You're the one who's like, so I'm speared through by the stop side, right? And the Tyrannosaurus has me in its jaws.

And I didn't really feel the effects of the opiates.

Yeah, man, because your body was trying to die super hard.

Well, they don't work on demon-related traumas, you know?

Like, the demon doesn't respond to the pill.

It's like when someone tells you like, oh, I don't really like weed.

And then they tell you that they had the worst possible first weed experience.

And it's like, I don't really like Thai food.

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