Do You Ever Feel Like a Total Loser?

We Can Do Hard Things

Treat Media and Glennon Doyle

Self-improvement, Relationships, Society & Culture, Education

4.8 • 42.7K Ratings

🗓️ 19 May 2026

⏱️ 68 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today we’re talking about the thing underneath everything: our feelings—and how hard we work to avoid them. Why is it easier to get mad than admit we’re scared? Why can a feeling that lasts 90 seconds keep us stuck for hours (or years)? And why does it so often feel like everyone else is doing life better than we are? We get into anger as a mask, anxiety spirals, the “loser” feeling no one wants to admit, and the relationship dynamics—hello, chooser vs. follower—that shape how we show up with the people we love. This one is about stopping the spin… and coming back to yourself. - Why anger is often covering something deeper - The “90-second feeling” and how to let it pass - How overthinking keeps you stuck in anxiety - Why comparison makes you feel like you’re failing - Relationship patterns that quietly take over Also listen to: The 90 Second Rule: Feel Your Feelings. Follow We Can Do Hard Things on: Instagram — ⁠https://www.instagram.com/wecandohardthings⁠

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, everybody. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.
0:11.2	Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi, sister. How are you doing? I'm so great. How are you? I mean, I don't know. I never know how I'm doing. It's just something I say.
0:21.2	Okay, real quick, how do you know how you're doing, Amanda?
0:26.0	Oh, Jesus. We're really jumping into it. I have learned lightly that I have a core self and I have to touch it.
0:33.5	I can tell that I'm not doing my best when I am in a buzzy reactive state, which usually
0:43.0	means I'm mad at someone, but often means I'm not mad at someone.
0:47.6	I'm just not doing well.
0:49.4	Oh.
0:50.4	And it's showing as if I'm mad at someone because that is safer feeling for me than not doing well.
0:57.3	So it's really like I have to reverse engineer it often to determine that I'm not doing well.
1:05.2	I have to like Scooby do it back.
1:08.6	Okay.
1:09.4	So is it like my brain is wired to solve every problem with food?
1:17.7	So that's all the like trying to develop new neuroplasticity.
1:21.3	Is yours wired to be angry is what you're saying?
1:25.3	Like your first reaction is anger, but actually underneath that
1:29.4	is something else that you're learning to investigate? Yeah, it's this safer option. So like for
1:35.1	you, it's safer to deal with food, either indulgence or restriction than it is to deal with
1:42.5	whatever more complicated,
1:48.6	scarier, more electrified thing inside of you.
1:55.6	For me, it is both exhausting and tired and annoying as shit, but also safer for me just to be like,
1:59.6	that person did that thing that was wrong or I'm mad at them or
	...

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