Good morning. It's Leandra. It is Thursday, April 20707th, which is a joke I've made like 25 times at this point. 9.54 a.m. and I am out for a walk, which makes it seem like dispatch number 5.

I called last week's dispatch number 5, but it was actually number four,

makes it seem like dispatch number five is practically an issue of groundhogs day, right?

But I realized that recording this from outside while walking was actually pretty cathartic and soothing for me too as opposed to just like pacing in my bathroom, getting in and out of my

bathtub while fully clothed, et cetera,., etc. The beginning part of this week actually

felt a lot more comforting than the second part of the week did. Or I don't even know if

comforting is the word, but I was in purportedly higher spirits. Or I was in better better spirits I don't even know if better spirits is the

thing I just felt a sense of calm that I hadn't felt in a while and I was texting with a friend

on Sunday and she said something to the extent of like oh you, you know, we're hanging in there.

This has become the new normal and we're adjusting to it.

And as she was saying that, it occurred to me that what that means is probably, because

I feel it too, I totally empathized with the experience.

And it occurred to me that essentially what she means is that we're like in surrender mode and mass. Maybe not all of us, but it's like after fight come surrender.

And I don't think surrender is a synonym for gives up at all.

As a matter of fact, I think that once we determine we're going to surrender

is precisely when everything that we tried to do while we were in the mode that comes before

surrender starts to reveal itself to us.

It's like suddenly you can stretch into areas of your mind that were shut off to you before that

because of, I don't know, whatever panic you were facing, whatever form of survival mode was crippling you.

And so that's how I felt in the beginning of the week.

You know, like I was kind of just settling or

surrendering and I was ready to start thinking about what happens next means. And then I guess I had like

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