DISCONNECTION's Powerful INVITATION w/ George Faller, LMFT and 9/11 Firefighter

Dear Young Married Couple

Adam & Karissa King

Christianity, Sexuality, Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 871 Ratings

🗓️ 12 January 2021

⏱️ 47 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

"But when you turn off your emotions to the people you love, all it does is create distance. Especially us, as men. We tend to turn off all emotion, even when we don’t need to. That used to be me, but it all changed after I found myself on Ground Zero as a firefighter during 9/11.⁠ ♥️⁠ The NYC fire department lost 343 firefighters. Being there on that day was like being on another planet. I saw so many people I knew just... vanish. But it was the months afterwards that were incredibly stressful.⁠ ♥️⁠ We firefighters don’t get a lot of help with learning to talk about stressful events. We learn to separate our work from our home and that’s about it. The problem was that my wife was stressed out too. She felt like she couldn’t talk to me because she didn’t want to make me feel worse. Then, I couldn’t talk to her because I didn’t want to bring work home. What do you think started happening to my marriage?⁠ ♥️⁠ There was no oxygen to give life to my marriage, so the distance crept in. So much of what I teach now is what I learned to do back then. It's called Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). I never thought I’d be traveling around the world talking about emotions. It’s all about flexibility. If we’re okay getting help to turn it off, we should all be okay getting help to turn it back on.” — George Faller, MS, LMFT You can reach George Faller at: www.georgefaller.com www.successandvulnerability.com - for therapists New York Center for EFT George recommended: Magnificent Sex by Peggy Kleinplatz Sacred Stress by George Faller Created for Connection by Sue Johnson Stay in conversation with us on IG: @dearyoungmarriedcouple or on our website: www.dearyoungmarriedcouple.com Join us for the next Monthly Live Date Night where we dig into some of these topics with you LIVE for 90 minutes this month! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:30.1	So when we're feeling lonely, scared, hurts, that's our body trying to get us to go in a
0:35.5	different direction.
0:36.3	Embedded in the problem is the solution.
0:38.5	And it's such a counterintuitive invitation to think, like, it's through this doorway
0:42.6	that I'm going to repair.
0:43.6	But if you don't take it, you're left with the distance ever increasing.
0:47.0	And that's what's so sad.
0:48.0	People think they fall out of love.
0:49.4	It's just that the distance gets too great. And then before you know it, you have to defend yourself when your needs not getting met
0:55.3	and those defenses take over the mistrust takes over.
0:57.7	And before you know it, you don't look anything like that honeymoon period.
1:01.3	Had to learn new moves.
1:02.4	Attention is the oxygen of a relationship.
1:04.9	You know, you have two little kids.
1:06.0	If you don't have time to check in with each other, before you know it, the lists take over
1:10.4	the day and the distance
1:11.7	creeps back in. We were not designed to deal with fear alone, and yet that's what's happening
	...

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