For the first part of our 2018 Don’t Mom Alone live event, Jim and Lynne Jackson, co-founders of Connected Families, joined me & my husband Bruce to answer listener questions about discipline and how to use their framework for biblically-based parenting.

We share lots of stories of how we have failed as parents and learned along the way.

But then I started to realize maybe my humility was my greatest currency for influence to help her learn the lessons and the values and the things that mattered most… Our kids need to know we’re not perfect. They need to know that we’ll come back to them and say, ‘Hey I blew it. I’m sorry. Would you forgive me?’ And get back to reconciliation in those relationships. — Jim Jackson.

So good!

Jim and Lynne talk us through the parenting framework they’ve developed and redefining how we view discipline with our kids. Ultimately, it comes down to connecting with their hearts and leading them to Jesus instead of trying to control their behavior.

We can help kids embrace the wisdom of the righteous. And that really prepares the way for the Lord to come in our family in a strong way. Because in today’s day and age with all the craziness that’s going on, these kids need a form of discipline that’s not just about punitive correction but that’s about a whole way of life that teaches our kids how to be followers of Jesus. — Lynne Jackson

And it’s not just vision for how we want to parent, the Jacksons also share some super practical tips and give us some ways to respond to our defiant, strong-willed or sensitive kids.

What we chat about:

• The basis for Jim and Lynn’s parenting framework
• How do you parent proactively instead of reactively when you feel like you’re just surviving minute
• What is our goal in parenting? Is it immediate obedience from our children or fostering their ability to make wise choices?
• Bringing God’s grace into our messy moments
• Why connecting with God is so essential to how we parent
• Go into a situation asking, “Lord, what is the opportunity here?”
• Helping our kids build wisdom instead of feeling the need to express our disappointment when they mess up
• Trusting that our kids really want to do better
• Separating behavior from identity in our kids
• Humility and apologizing well may be our greatest currency as a parent
• The idea of a parent do-over
• Tips for parents of younger kids and encouragement for parenting kids who bite or hit
• We tend to think of behavior as either all good or all bad
• When our goal is to control their behavior, it doesn’t build trust
• You don’t have to be mean to be strong as a parent
• Big, loud, and loving energy can make a big difference in the middle of conflict
• Luke 1:17- “And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”
• Strong-willed kids and the importance of calling out their giftings and how God made them
• Sometimes it’s sensitive and intense children are labeled as strong-willed
• Psalm 73:21-24 “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.”

Links Mentioned:

• Previous Episodes with Jim & Lynne — Ep 80 , Ep 81, Ep 98, Ep 200, Bonus Sibling Conflict
• Connected Families Blog Post — It’s Not Defiance, It’s Science 
• Connected Families Blog post- Danger, Obedience, and Teaching Kids Traffic Safety