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Ask Pastor John

Did We Sin Our Marriage Away?

Ask Pastor John

Desiring God

John Piper, Unknown, 163859, Pastor, Ask, Theology, Desiring God, Religion & Spirituality/christianity, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality, Questions

4.83.8K Ratings

🗓️ 30 June 2025

⏱️ 13 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If a couple sins their way into marriage, should they split up and start over? Pastor John calls a weary husband and wife back to their lifelong covenant.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hard marriages, divorce, and domestic abuse, a trio of very tough topics that come up on the podcast from time to time, as you can see in the APD book.

0:11.6

And we have a new entry here when it comes to hard marriages in this email from an anonymous wife.

0:18.3

Hi, Pastor John. My husband and I are currently separated and my heart feels utterly broken.

0:22.6

We've been married for almost 10 years, but our relationship has been difficult marked by his

0:26.4

alcoholism, which he is now sober from, and my long battle with chronic illness, which I've

0:32.2

been healed from. When we first got married, we were not living according to God's will.

0:36.7

We lived like the world

0:37.9

and our church didn't teach on sin or repentance at all. Thankfully, things have changed for us

0:42.9

spiritually, but we've never learned how to resolve conflict or heal from the pain and hurt we've

0:46.7

caused each other over the years. We fight consistently in unhealthy ways and have come to realize

0:52.3

that I've had a victim mentality and have contributed to the cycle of hurt.

0:56.3

I've failed to respect my husband and have used my words to tear him down in defense of my own pain.

1:01.8

I am deeply ashamed of this and grieve over it.

1:05.0

We both acknowledge our past mistakes, but now my husband believes that maybe we've sinned our way into this marriage and that it may not

1:12.5

have been God's will for us to be together in the first place. I, however, believe that marriage is for

1:17.1

life and I trust that God can restore and redeem what's been broken. I don't view our marriage

1:21.4

as a mistake anymore even though I once did. I don't want to lose my husband. Is there any truth

1:26.4

to what he's saying or does God's union of husband and wife hold, particularly for Christians, despite our struggles?

1:32.9

I don't believe we can send our way out of marriage.

1:35.9

We love each other deeply, but the pain has been so great that my husband now wants to leave.

1:41.9

Please help.

1:43.9

First, let me say something about the husband's idea that it may not have been God's

...

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