Deodorant, Porn, and Nudes: How to Actually Talk to Your Tween About the Hard Stuff

Raising Good Humans

Voicing Change Media

Education, Kids & Family, Parenting

4.7 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 22 May 2026

⏱️ 45 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if the reason the hardest conversations with your middle schooler keep going badly isn't the topic — it's that we keep starting them like a lecture? This episode is for any parent who has braced themselves to "have the talk" about porn, dating, nudes, or consent and watched their kid mentally exit the room before the second sentence. I'm joined by Michele Icard, parenting expert and author of Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School. What you'll learn: Why most thorny conversations go wrong before they start, and the BRIEF model that fixes it. Why shame is the wrong tool. What you might be missing about middle school dating, consent, and touch hunger. The throughline of the whole conversation is practice. These aren't talks you nail on the first try, and the goal isn't a single perfect conversation — it's becoming fluent enough at curiosity that you stop needing an agenda at all. Great Wolf Lodge: Bring your pack together at a Lodge near you. Learn more at GreatWolf.com Tumble: Machine Washable Rugs, Made Better. For a limited time only, our listeners get 10% off + free shipping at Tumbleliving.com/HUMANS Merit Beauty: It's time for your makeup and skincare to meet the reality of your daily routine with Merit Beauty.comMyPhone by Ooma: Safe calling with parental controls. Go to ooma.com/myphone to shop phones and learn more.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Raising Good Humans. I'm Dr. Alisa Pressman and today's episode is all about middle schoolers.
0:09.0	We are going to talk about how to talk to kids now that they are emerging adolescents.
0:16.0	You've got tweens who are ready to have more collaborative conversations.
0:22.7	So what phrases will invite connections and what phrases will scare them off?
0:28.5	We're going to talk about how to keep kids engaged and interested in a conversation.
0:33.6	And some of the thorny topics that are important to have with kids this age.
0:40.0	My guest, Michelle Icard, has a book out called 14 talks by age 14.
0:47.0	The essential conversations you need to have with your kids before they start high school.
0:51.5	Some of the talks we're going to go through today are around
0:54.8	consent, sending nudes, sexuality, pornography, starting to date and dating relationships,
1:05.6	and a couple of others that are just kind of thorny topics for middle school years,
1:10.4	but so, so important to have.
1:13.4	If you enjoy this episode, I hope if you have not already that you'll subscribe, rate and even
1:19.2	write a little review and have a wonderful week.
1:23.3	We spend the earlier childhood years with a different kind of kid.
1:28.7	Right. I think that's so alarming to parents that things are going fairly smoothly or at least
1:35.2	predictably in some way until early adolescence and then the wheels kind of start coming off
1:41.5	a cart. And it's really shocking to parents.
1:49.4	And for me, one of the biggest and most important changes that happens is around language and how we communicate with our kids.
1:51.7	So I often say that it's the job of language to tie groups together.
1:56.4	And it's the job of tweens and teens to break ties apart.
1:59.8	They are really working on becoming individuals and becoming independent.
	...

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