Welcome to Dear Prudence, I'm your Prudence,

Janay Desmond Harris.

Today we'll be discussing an international sister's trip, Gry and a husband's struggle to live

with his wife's mental health issues. Helping me out today is the writer and

mental health advocate Vassie Iqbee. She's the author of the New York Times best-selling essay collection

and telling the truth that I'm lying and the audible original Home rarely feels like this. She's also the

creator of No Shame Day, an initiative that normalizes conversations

around black mental health in order to reduce stigma.

Vassie, thank you so, so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. I'm very excited.

I'm thrilled that you're here and before we dive into these letters, which I know you

said in an email a couple of them already pissed you off, so I can't wait to hear your

reactions.

I want to go ahead and ask you for one piece of unsolicited advice

that you just want to get off your chest.

One of the pieces of advice that I've carried with me forever is never apologize for how you choose to take care of yourself.

But within reason, because I think a lot of people take that and run like, I'll never have to

pop, no, within reason okay so yeah that's something that I

I live by what are the limits on within reason well the limits with everything I

think that people sort of like take advice and then internalize it in a way

that's very selfish where it's like if I'm doing something that harms you I

apologize like I'm not that has nothing to do with how I'm taking care of myself it's how I'm attacking you in a way and I think when it comes to advice especially now people get very

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