I'll now hand you over to my best man, Eddie.

Wow, wow, wow, second time's a charm, eh, Billy Boy?

Oh God.

Substitution, courtesy of Paddy Power, embarrassing Eddie, makes way for sensible Samuel.

Cool, that was close.

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Dear Quinkle, would you be so kind to answer our questions?

What do you have in mind?

I'm Adam Felber, and you're getting an episode of Dear Crinkle, America's new favorite advice minisode as far as we know.

We've got Paula Poundstone over there.

We've got Tony Nita Hall.

And of course, we've got the woman of the hour.

Bonnie Burns, Paula's manager, our friend, Captain Crinkle, are you ready to offer you some advice?

I am.

I'm here.

I'm near.

I'm dear.

...