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Oh God.

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Weller, wella, wellie, dear, crinkle, would you be so kind to answer our questions?

What do you have in mind?

Tonight on Dear Crinkle, Slinging the Slang, an old white guy, and toughing it out at work.

Yes, that's right.

I'm Adam Feldberg. You're getting an episode of Dear Crinkle, America's new favorite advice mini-sode. We can't prove it. We've got Paul Poundstone over there. We've got Tony Need a Hull. And the woman of the hour, it's Bonnie Burns. Paula's manager, our friend Captain Crinkle is here to answer all your questions. What do you have in mind?

That's right, Adam. It's me, Captain Crinkle. You guys got problems? We've got answers.

Hi, though. We're here to help. Tony, what's our first question?

Dear, Your Honor, Crinkle.

...