Dear celebrities, I'm sorry to be the one to have to break this to you, but we do not

care, not in the slightest particle of an imaginary thing, what you think.

If this surprises you, I understand, because let's be fair, we have played an important

role in your delusion.

We camp out for days to buy tickets to your sold-out shows, then shout for you to reach

down from the stage to touch our hands.

Faster than science would believe humanly possible, we learn the lyrics to your every song

and master the choreography to your every dance move.

We devour your movies, TV shows and Netflix specials.

From that angle, I suppose it's easy to believe that after all the adulation, all the

fan mail and all the magazine covers, you may have actually come to believe that we care

what you think.

But you're wrong, nobody cares what you think.

Nobody.

Well, maybe your mother and your therapist do, but we don't, not even a little.

Allow me to spell this one out for you.

I go to a lady Gaga concert to hear her belt out tunes that remind me of my messy college

days, but watching her desperate protest against the results of a free and fair election, hardly

an event I'd ever care to see again in my lifetime.

I follow Beyonce because let's face it, nobody does a breakup anthem better, but can

someone please tell me why I should care if she's for Hillary or for Garfield the cat.

And here's to you, Mark Jacobs.

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