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Can't Impress. Dealing with nuisance lust, Wednesday, August 28th, 2019 by Douglas Wilson.

Note, this is an imaginary Christian couple

assembled as a composite from various counseling situations.

Dear Tony, thanks for the email and the follow-up phone call.

I am glad you decided to get help with this, and I am glad that you and Suzanne are talking about it.

A central part of this letter will be some advice on how to make those talks more profitable.

Let me summarize the problem as you outlined it, so that we can be sure I've got it right.

Your marriage is solid, you think the world of Suzanne, and she of you.

Your sex life is robust, and you love your family. Your wife does not

doubt your Christian commitments at all. At the same time, from time to time, you are distracted

by various lusts. not the triple X stuff, nothing hardcore or marriage

threatening, but enough to hurt your wife significantly whenever you stumble or you try

to talk with her about it.

Whenever you talk about it,

because you are confessing having fallen into sin,

you are in the dog house and the talks are not productive.

Whenever you are trying to anticipate a problem, she doesn't understand what you are talking about at all, and cannot comprehend why you would be bringing it up.

Does this sum up this situation reasonably well?

If it does, it may help you in knowing that you are not the lone weirdo.

A lot of Christian husbands are in this situation.

Now what I'm going to explain to you does not fall under the heading

...