Dead Sibling Society (Part 1)

Thanks For Asking

Feelings & Co.

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Personal Journals, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 13.5K Ratings

🗓️ 10 March 2026

⏱️ 89 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you lose a spouse, you’re a widow. If you lose your parents, an orphan. But we don’t have the language for someone who lost a sibling – your first friend, your first ally, your first enemy (probably, at least temporarily). Grief always feels like a gut punch, but losing a sibling is a unique kind of pain that we don’t talk about enough. So today, I’m joined by Steph Wittels Wachs, former TTFA guest and sister of comedy legend Harris Wittels, who died in 2015 of an accidental overdose. We're talking about what losing a sibling means and sharing the notes, advice and insights from people who know what it’s like to live in the world without their siblings. Cited in this episode: Rogne, S., Grotta, A., Liu, C., Berg, L., Saarela, J., Kawachi, I., Hiyoshi, A., & Rostila, M. (2025). All-cause mortality around the anniversary of a sibling’s death: findings from Swedish National Register Data. AMERICAN JOURNAL OF EPIDEMIOLOGY. https://doi.org/10.1093/aje/kwaf213 Tatjana Gazibara, Katherine A Ornstein, Christina Gillezeau, Melissa Aldridge, Mogens Groenvold, Merete Nordentoft, Lau Caspar Thygesen, Bereavement Among Adult Siblings: An Examination of Health Services Utilization and Mental Health Outcomes, American Journal of Epidemiology, Volume 190, Issue 12, December 2021, Pages 2571–2581, https://doi.org/10.1093/aje/kwab212 Davidson, D. (2018). Sibling loss - disenfranchised grief and forgotten mourners. Bereavement Care, 37(3), 124–130. https://doi.org/10.1080/02682621.2018.1535882 Herberman Mash, H. B., Fullerton, C. S., & Ursano, R. J. (2013). Complicated Grief and Bereavement in Young Adults Following Close Friend and Sibling Loss. Depression & Anxiety (1091-4269), 30(12), 1202–1210. https://doi.org/10.1002/da.22068 Watch us on YouTube here! Get this episode ad-free here! Listen to Geoffrey’s album on Spotify and Apple! LINKS TO RELATED EPISODES! https://feelingsand.co/podcasts/terrible-thanks-for-asking/86-sundays/ https://feelingsand.co/podcasts/terrible-thanks-for-asking/what-does-all-this-loss-mean/ Don’t you want someone to take care of you? _ Right now, go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada, too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com/TFA Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA. That’s 15% off at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA. With evening and weekend course options, Fordham’s online MSW lets you keep working while earning your degree, completing the program in as few as 16 months. Learn more and apply at fordham.edu/TTFA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi.
0:01.0	Hi.
0:02.0	Hi.
0:03.0	Hi there.
0:04.0	Hi.
0:05.0	Hi.
0:06.0	Hi.
0:07.0	Hi.
0:08.0	Hey, Nora.
0:09.0	I'm Nora McInerney, and this is thanks for asking, a call-in-show about what matters to you.
0:28.9	Siblings are our first friends, our first allies.
0:34.1	For some of us, at least occasionally, and temporarily, hopefully, our first enemies.
0:35.9	We fight, okay?
0:36.7	But we also share.
0:39.0	We share our toys. We share our holidays,
0:49.2	our experiences, our memories. We might share rooms, DNA. We might share secrets, our dreams.
0:54.9	Siblings are our longest relationships. These are the people who have known us longer than our friends and our spouses and who will be with us long after our parents die, unless, of course, that doesn't
1:02.4	happen. The death of a sibling is one of the most fundamental, most profound losses that a person can
1:10.5	experience. And every loss forces a change
1:14.3	in identity, but I think especially sibling loss. If you lose your only sibling, are you still a
1:21.5	brother or a sister? I think so, but I've never had to ponder that or explain it to anybody.
1:28.6	If you lose one sibling, how many siblings do you have?
	...

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