Hello, I'm Father Joe Roche of the Marian Fathers of the Immaculate Conception.

Thank you for joining us as we continue with our year-long journey,

reading the diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska from beginning to end.

Today we take up from where we left off, beginning with Diary Entry No. 496.

Confession Day. From early morning, the turmoil in my soul was more violent

than anything I had ever experienced before. Complete abandonment by God. I felt the utter weakness

that I was. Thoughts bore in upon me.

Why should I leave this convent when I am loved by the sisters and superiors,

where life is so tranquil, where I am bound by perpetual vows,

and carry out my duties without difficulty?

Why should I listen to the voice of my conscience? Why follow an inspiration

coming from who knows where? Wouldn't it be better to carry on like all the other sisters?

Perhaps the Lord's words could be stifled, not taken heed of. Maybe God will not demand an

account of them on the day of judgment where will this inner voice lead me if i follow it what tremendous difficulties tribulations and adversities are in store for me

i fear the future and i am agonizing in the present. This suffering continued with the same intensity throughout

the whole day. When, in the evening, my turn came for confession, I could not make a full confession,

even though I had been preparing for a long time. I received absolution and left, not knowing what was going on within me.

When I went to bed, the suffering grew even worse, or rather it changed into a fire which penetrated all the faculties of my soul, like lightning,

piercing me to the marrow, and to the most secret recesses of my

heart. In the midst of this suffering, I was unable to bring myself to do anything.

Your will be done, Lord. At times I could not even think these words.

Truly, a deadly fear had taken hold of me,

...