Hi, my name is David Sidaris, and I feel fantastic about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Hey there! Welcome to Conan O'Brien's Needs A Friend, joined here by the very able,

Matt Gourley, and of course the extremely confident, misplaced confidence, but

confidence still the same. So, a mousession. Yeah, misplaced ability too.

Misplaced ability as well. Yeah. We have a terrific show today, but I want to start by talking about

this very unique experience I just had. My wife, Liza, wrote a play called Apostrophe, and she got a

production of it up on Widby Island, which is just north of Seattle. I went up this weekend to

Widby Island, I don't know if you've ever been there. It's gorgeous, but you go up. I went there

with my daughter, and we took a ferry over, and we met Liza, and we saw this production of her play,

which was really, really fun. She plays terrific. Cast is amazing. So I had this great experience,

really proud of my wife. Just everything was hitting on all cylinders. One of the cool things

is it's a very small town. I was wondering around this small town, and I immediately started to get

to know everybody, because I stick out a little bit. So, it starts with just people in town saying,

hi, and then I go to sit down at one point, and police chief walks by, sees me. We start chatting,

lovely guy. A chief Tavi air washer. I meet him, and we strike up a friendship. The next thing I know

he's saying, would you like to meet the mayor? I'd like to meet the mayor. Sure. The answer to,

do you want to meet the mayor is yes, I want to meet the mayor. I say yes, I want to meet the

mayor. He says great. And then we exchange numbers. Then I'm texting the police chief back and forth,

and also thinking I've got to get out of jail free card. Yeah, I was just thinking that so you

could speed. I stole things. It was a crime spree. Did you do a little murder? Maybe there was a

little murder. You don't have to say. I dabbled in murder. Okay. I dipped my toe in murder.

Anyway, we're back and forth, and then he says, yeah, come on by the city hall at two,

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