Welcome to the Late Show, everybody. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

Folks, Donald Trump, Donald Trump is in Beijing for his big diplomatic visit to China, or as we're calling it, nothing.

We only got five shows left.

We can't start doing new segments.

Day one or possibly two of the visit kicked off yesterday, by which I mean this morning

that in China is tomorrow.

The leaders greeted each other with an inspiring display of hyper-masculine hand dominance.

Okay, moving in. Normal shake. Little hand pat. Okay, that seems like enough. If you love something,

let it go. Okay.

No, you, a hand pat again.

And, and land break.

There you go.

I'm exhausted.

Just watching it. Yeah, I know, right?

Xi better be careful.

If he touches Trump for too long, he might catch a case of five-day-old banana hand.

China treated...

It's upsetting, isn't it?

Then China treated our president

to the kind of Vegas dictator pomp

and paddricy razzle that Trump loves,

including a full honor guard

...