Thank you very much. Welcome. Welcome, one at all. Please, ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

Welcome to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. First of all,

let's start off with the heartfelt happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody. Now a lot of people,

a lot of people mistakenly believe that today is Mexican Independence Day. It's not. It's Mexican

St. Patrick's Day. That's why we drink green margaritas. Ah, the luck of the Mexicans,

they're after me lucky burritos. At the end of every rainbow is a pot of salsa.

Cinco de Mayo isn't even celebrated in all of Mexico and here in the United States,

it only really began to take off in the 1970s and 80s when brewing companies began capitalizing on

it as a way to appeal to consumers. Wow, promoting a holiday for corporations to make money,

that is so, that is so crass. I can't believe it. I mean, I, you know, breaks your heart. Well,

at least we'll always have the feast of St. October Fest. You know, who could really use a drink

right now? Wall Street. It's been a crazy week for the Dows. In order to try to fight inflation,

yesterday the Fed raised interest rates by half a point. The biggest hikes since 2000. Of course,

back in the crash of 2000, stockbrokers are all giving the same advice.

After yesterday's, after yesterday's rate hike, the markets went up 932 points. Pretty good,

but this morning, as one reporter described it, investors woke up with a binge trading hangover.

Oh, you've got to be careful when you binge trade. Otherwise, you could wake up next to a stock.

You don't even remember acquiring. I, I want to say, I want to say Susan, I'm sorry, a city group.

Then today, everything went cabloey. The dial tumbled over a thousand points in the worst day of

the year so far, eclipsing the previous worst day of the year, every day of the year.

Now, speaking.

Now, speaking of worst, there's been a sighting of former president Mopi Prick.

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