I almost leaked my own nudes the other day.

Damn, you need to stop doing that. Instagram is out to get you. PSA. Have you heard of instant? Yes, it's terrifying. Explain it. There's a new feature where it's like, hey, share what you're doing right now. It's fucked up. A camera appears, you press, take the picture and it sends it out to everyone. You don't even get to look at it. It instantly... Which thing if you know warning,

I know that's the name.

They don't even get to look at it. It instantly, which thing if you know warning, I know that's the name film, but it doesn't

happen so fast. And it just sends it. So I have a rotted brain and I can't do anything

without a noise to keep me from thinking. Nothing. Because my own thoughts are terrifying. Yeah.

I had a shower. I was drying myself. I had propped my phone up on a towel rail. Yes. And I was just going to let the reels happen. Sure. Bit of towel action. Bit of the reels. Classic part of my morning. Classic. And then I saw, oh, try instance today. And I think, what's that? So I just tap it. Give it a go.

Front camera's right there.

And I'm like, oh, what's that happening?

On apps, when you double taps the front camera, it spins the camera around.

Dangerous.

So I tap it, and I have fully just taken a pick of my entire wet naked body.

And I don't know what the fuck you're picturing,

but I was not standing sexually in a steamy bathroom, okay?

I was stood, just relax.

Was your knob fully out?

I'm not done.

Wet.

No.

My hair was like all over the place. You could have that to everyone! Towels tucked between my crack like a tail. I don't know the fuck that I was doing with that. And so I lurched for the phone, and in an instant, yeah, Instagram. I put airplane mode on. And then I'm just going, ah. Oh, my God. And just to be safe, I've got my finger on the screen. Yeah. The app hasn't moved yet. I still see the photo. Swipe it closed before I can do something else. I'm stressed. And then I sit cold, wet ass on the tiles. And I'm just like, who did I just send my wet body to?

Well, who could it?

If it's anyone that follows you back? Jack Septicai doesn't want to see that. Who could... Zach Palans... I mean, maybe Zach, I don't know. But he's busy. I don't know what Zach Plansky's doing. But there's fucking weird mutuals going back all this time, Phil. They don't all want to see the hog.

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