Dan O'Brien, Danielle Schneider, Jessica St. Clair, Lennon Parham, Jason Mantzoukas

improv4humans with Matt Besser

Matt Besser

Comedy

4.9 • 2.8K Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2015

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Grudge Justice - Playwright and poet Dan O'Brien joins Jessica St. Clair, Danielle Schneider, Lennon Parham, and Jason Mantzoukas for a special poetry filled edition of improv4humans with Matt Besser! Dan reads some poems from his Scarsdale and War Reporter collections to inspire scenes about the "hmmming" phenomenon in the poetry world, the prophecy of having to marry your improv scene partner after doing a proposal scene, and buying stolen items from raccoons. Make sure to get the Upright Citizens Brigade television show season 3 now available on DVD, the UCB Comedy Improv Manual , and Dragoon’s new album at dragoongalaxy.bandcamp.com !

Transcript

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0:00.0	When I auditioned twice for Chicago City Limits and they did not take me because I froze during
0:06.0	the blues. Yeah. I got the pizza. Let's cut to that. Okay, next, Jessica, you did. Okay, let's look.
0:19.3	Okay, you scored the B levels on the first three levels, which is passable. Okay. If you get an A
0:27.6	on the makeup of a blues song. Okay. Okay. Hold on a second. I just threw up in my mouth. Why are we
0:34.7	even giving her a shot? We've got enough girls. Candidates. Shut the fuck up. You don't belong here.
0:39.1	You know it. Don't don't. You only get two girls. One big one and one pretty one. Yeah.
0:45.1	And I'm just comedy pretty. I'm not even really pretty. Guys, I'm big and funny. I'll just be the
0:50.9	an annoying one who's too loud. Okay. Guys, fair is fair. We give her a chance if she can pull
0:58.0	on. Just because you're fucking her doesn't mean she gets a shot. Okay. Horus and I are not
1:03.6	sleeping with each other. We share it. A studio right now because Horus, I, because I'm moving
1:10.8	out of my parents' house in New Jersey and I needed somewhere to stay masturbating in front of someone
1:15.3	is not leaving together. If you have your hand on the dick, yes, it is.
1:23.5	Okay. Okay. The suggestion is pineapple. Okay. Okay. Okay. How did it go again?
1:32.3	I got the, uh, she doesn't even tie that up. Oh, no. Okay. Oh, he started with the
1:38.6	fucking thing. That fucking thing is turning over in his grave. He's not dead straight up.
1:45.7	We got to google that. Okay. I'll go to the store to get myself the sweet and what did I smell
1:52.8	and it wasn't my feet. Are you crying? I'm actually trying really hard guys. I'm crying. That's not
1:59.2	funny. Melon and something small. Okay. Guys, I see the, uh, sorry. Guys, if you know
2:08.5	how to get this straight, I'm going to go back to the archipelagoob.
2:13.2	Chad, thank you. I'm so sorry. Can you just run me through with the fire inspectors here?
2:18.8	We're going to have to cut this audition half. You're going to have, you're going to have an hour
2:24.3	to prepare. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Thank you so much. Do you want me to jerk you off
	...

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