Hello friends and family, and thank you for tuning into the Duncan Trussel family hour,

returning after a brief tangle with the grim reaper and the dark forest of disease that

all of us will eventually have to hike into as long as our souls are in prison and the

fleshy towers that we call our human bodies. Yes, it's true. The effects of radiation therapy

sent me for a temporary day hike into the ancient forest of disease, and I'm not going to lie to

you and tell you that this forest is a nice place. No, the forest of disease is not the sort of place

you'd want to have a romantic picnic with your baby boo. And I'm not going to tell you that the

animals that live in the forest of disease are the sort of animals that you might find in a petting

zoo, unless that petting zoo happened to be in the third circle of hell. Yes, the animals in the

forest of disease are frightening beings and I've seen a few of them firsthand. I've seen the greasy

raccoon of nausea with his swirling yellow eyes that climbs into your anus and squirms its way

through your intestinal track and turns your stomach into a punching bag so that everything you smell

smells like the inner folds of a morbidly obese geriatrics underarm and every moment is a fight

against projectile vomiting weak fins into your couch. And I've been attacked by the woodpecker

fatigue that comes flapping down from the hairy trees of the forest with despair and digs his

claws into your back and pecs his way into your spine, injecting you with a cold poison of fatigue

that makes you sleep for 12 hours a day in a coma-like nap. And I played chess with the cheating

ape of logic who shows you that it's easy to be positive when you're healthy but an entirely

different game altogether when a demonic fatigue woodpecker is injecting poison into your spine

or a nausea raccoon with swirling yellow eyes has climbed into your anus. And yes, I drank the

wine of sadness with the techno moth and that was fun. And I could go on and on about the forest

of disease and about the fat ass muleing whiny goblin thing that invite you to go swimming in the

...