The night of this tale is Berger Jurger, a great bird of Valour who hated murder, though

murder she did, and often so at the stalwart command of her clan the crow.

That was a poem I wrote about my animal familiar whose name is Burger Jurger. I love her a lot and I want to take a moment to tell you about Burger Jurger and where she came from and the deep and important history that she has to me personally and emotionally.

So one time I was playing a very popular video game, Dragon Age Origins, and so I made a character

called Lil Squats McGee, and Lil Squats McGee and Lil Squats is famous amongst the friend group

for being beautiful and gorgeous and that's not what little Squat is

for that's not what Little Squats. That's exactly why we all love Little Squats.

It's the opposite of that.

Little Squats has like just a movie star face, if you can kind of imagine.

Anyways...

It's a fucking creature from a black lagoon counts as a movie star.

Can you please not talk about little squats like that?

She can hear you everywhere.

Jesus Christ!

She's all around us.

My God.

Anyway, as anybody who has ever played the Dragonade Origin game knows,

at a certain point you get a Mabari Hound,

which is like a giant awesome dog that fights with you and you get to

name that dog and I named that dog burger jerk and it just came to me out of the

void and since then any animal companion it just came to me out of the void.

And since then, any animal companion I have had

...