Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

And this is the Kelly Mantle show.

Won't you come inside, the Kelly Mantle Studio?

Thank you. I ordered a pair of shoes from Montobello, but instead I received a cello, so I tried to play. But a button from the bow popped off and hit me in the nose as I was playing Levy on Rose in the key of A.

I saw the crinkled faces of the critics.

The silence sounded like crickets.

And I pretended not to care, so I nonchalantly flipped my hair.

But the bow popped off and hit me in the chin, and that was the beginning of the end of my career with the cello.

And then I vomited.

Welcome to the Kelly Mantle Show.

Won't you come inside the Kelly Mantle Studio?

Miss Amores, today's guest is a strong gay woman.

She's as sexy as a goddess and funny as a clown.

And no, I ain't talking about Tammy Brown.

She's a different kind of cuckoo than the cuckoo we have here today.

Let's just say they're both a little cuckoo in their own special way.

So tighten your corselets and place your bets on how many times we'll yell cuckoo like we have Tourette's.

Ladies and gentlemen, preparete to enumorartre de

to those that gustan, Cynthia Lee Fontaine.

I have my intro, Oh, my God.

...