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Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Cultivating Connection: The Art of Friendship | E98

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

YAP Media Network | Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Relationships, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7890 Ratings

🗓️ 3 October 2016

⏱️ 66 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Do you have hundreds of "friends," yet still feel disconnected? As a therapist, people share their deepest feelings and fears with me. What I've been hearing a lot lately is about is how disconnected and alone many of my clients feel, even though they may have contact with dozens upon dozens of people a day. Ironic, right? But there is such a difference between knowing people, and truly being known. Having contacts is not the same as having authentic connection. Many people with dozens of "friends" are still craving actual friendships where they feel known, valued, and understood. I'm a marriage counselor first, so my podcast and blog often does skew on the side of discussing your relationship with your "primary attachment" (that's shrink-speak for "significant other."). However having meaningful friendships and close connections in your life is just as important to your over all happiness and well being as the state of your marriage. In fact, having close friends that you trust and who you can be emotionally intimate with can buffer you from the rest of life's ups and downs. But, creating and maintaining authentic connection and friendship can be challenging. This is especially true as people move out of their twenties, and into their thirties and beyond. For one thing, it's harder to meet people when you're not going out all the time. Secondly, it's challenging to spend time with the friends you have when everyone is stretched so thin between their careers, their families, making time for their spouse, and just keeping their lives in order. It's about the best we can do to comment on each other's posts once in a while. How to Have More Friendship in Your Life To discuss this issue that affects so many people, and get some practical tips on how to cultivate authentic friendship in your life, I have enlisted the support of an expert: one of MY oldest and dearest friends, Amy Rocen. Amy is not a therapist or a life coach, but of all the people I have ever met - personally or professionally - she is truly an authority on making and keeping good friends. She's graciously agreed to discuss her "friendship super power with me" on this edition of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast. We're going to be talking about the things that she and I have done to keep our friendship strong and emotionally intimate for over twenty years. Amy is also going to be sharing her tips for how to connect with new people, as well as her perspective on how to keep a rich and full life of meaningful relationships through the ups and downs of time.

Transcript

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0:00.0

This is Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, and you're listening to the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast.

0:06.2

All is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

0:20.1

Does the white stripes, of course, with We Are Going to Be Friends.

0:25.1

I love that song.

0:26.3

It's so sweet.

0:27.9

And I also thought it was appropriate for our subject because today on the podcast, we are

0:34.1

going to be talking about the art of friendship.

0:40.0

I wanted to do a show on this topic because, you know, I'm a therapist, right?

0:45.9

And people talk to me about all kinds of stuff.

0:49.7

You know, I know I'm kind of a marriage counselor first.

0:52.9

And so the podcast and my work sometimes can lean,

0:56.5

kind of skew in the, you know, significant other sort of relationship category.

1:02.4

But I also talk with people, obviously, about all parts of their lives.

1:07.2

And what I often hear a lot about is how many people are feeling really disconnected

1:16.8

and alone, even though, ironically, they may have contact with dozens and dozens of people a day,

1:26.2

either in their day-to-day life or into their interactions

1:29.3

or even social media, right? And yet they still feel hollow and they feel like they're

1:36.7

missing that emotional intimacy, that real connection. And, you know, what we talk about a lot in our sessions is that there's a

1:49.1

difference between knowing someone and really being known and that having contacts is not

1:59.2

the same thing as having authentic connection.

2:03.8

And I talk to my clients a lot about how to really cultivate authentic relationships

2:11.5

and connections in their lives in the form of friendships in addition to their romantic relationships. Because it is such an

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