Crybabies Present...

Comedy of the Week

BBC

Comedy

4 • 2.8K Ratings

🗓️ 4 August 2025

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Jeremy Moleskine is the biggest writer in bawdy greetings cards. So when his car veers off the road, his number one fan is on hand to nurse him back to health. But when R&R turns into B&B (belittling and bludgeoning), Jeremy’s agent must track him down with the help of incarcerated lunatic, Clinton Scards.

Brace yourself for a psychological thriller as Crybabies bring the big screen to your normal sized radio.

To hear more episodes from this series search "Crybabies Present" on BBC Sounds.

Written and performed by Michael Clarke, James Gault & Ed Jones.

Featuring Chiara Goldsmith

Production Co-ordinator - Laura Shaw

Sound Design by David Thomas and Victoria Freund

Producer - Benjamin Sutton

Executive Producer - Joe Nunnery

A Boffola Pictures production for BBC Radio 4

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, Podcasts.
0:04.7	This episode is a psychological thriller, exploring what happens when your biggest fan becomes your greatest enemy.
0:13.3	Cry babies present. Yours fatally.
0:18.3	Look, mate, if you don't want exclusivity, you're going to have to up your price.
0:22.8	Because it's going to be another bestseller, that's why.
0:25.9	No, you look, mate, you are dealing with Sleason's greetings.
0:29.4	We are the country's biggest and borediest greetings card company.
0:34.1	Mr. Nightingale, I have Jeremy Morskin for you.
0:36.6	Oh, great, send him through. I'm just practising off a phone call.
0:40.2	So don't try and lowball me, mate.
0:42.8	Because the only low balls I'm interested in are droopy testicles on a father's day card.
0:48.8	Jeremy, how's my favourite client?
0:50.9	Awful, thanks. I ask for sparkling, not still.
0:53.7	Well, that's kind of how sushi comes, Jeremy. Close the door, will you? I've got very big news. Card Factory want first dibs on your next greetings card. What's that beautiful brain cooking up, eh? Okay, well, this is something pretty special. Whoa, as special as this candle's the only thing getting blown on your birthday? No. No, this is something quite different. All right, don't tell me. Uh, uh, wine o'clock. No, uh, Prosecco a clock. No, uh, uh, Dildo a clock. No. Glenn, listen. I've been writing these bawdy greetings cards my entire career now, all right?
1:27.6	And I want my next card to be something different, all right?
1:30.9	So, I've been working on this.
1:34.5	What's that?
1:35.4	That is my great American greetings card.
1:38.9	It's 600 pages long.
1:40.3	Yeah.
1:41.1	It's not finished yet.
1:42.2	And you're from Brumley.
	...

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