Creating Safety in Relationships

The Allender Center Podcast

The Allender Center

Psychology, Religion & Spirituality, Mental Health, Christianity, Trauma, Health & Fitness, Theology

4.6 • 628 Ratings

🗓️ 30 June 2023

⏱️ 47 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In a world that can feel overwhelming and unsafe, we all long for safe havens in our relationships. But how do we create that safety?

On this episode of the podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen chats with Dan and Becky Allender about their journey to intimacy and understanding in their marriage. Dan and Becky have been married for decades, but they both say that the real transformation in their relationship has happened only in recent years.

They credit much of this breakthrough to doing story work and understanding their own family of origin stories, as well as each other's. But they also point out that creating awareness alone is just the beginning. Deciding to enter into their relationship with kindness and curiosity has helped them build trust and safety with each other.

Rachael points out: “The more we honor one another's need for safety and meet each other there and rebuild a different kind of trust that we're capable of, that it's actually the more risks we can take in our relationship and we can take together. Because there's a trust “

If you're seeking ways to build trust and closeness in your most important relationships, we hope you'll find this conversation thought-provoking and insightful.

If you and your partner would like to discover more about your stories, grow in kindness and care, and find courage in conflict, we invite you to join us for the Marriage Conference this October 13-14, 2023, in beautiful Park City, Utah. Learn more at theallendercenter.org/marriage

Transcript

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0:00.0	Thank you for listening to the Allender Center podcast.
0:06.7	I'm Dr. Dan Allender.
0:08.7	And I'm Rachel Clinton-Centen.
0:10.5	We're fiercely committed to providing hope and healing to a fragmented world.
0:14.7	And restoration for the heart.
0:17.2	Thank you for joining us.
0:18.5	Let's get this conversation started.
0:30.3	Thank you for joining us. Let's get this conversation started. Well, today on the podcast, we're going to attempt to make possible what sometimes feels like the impossible by talking about the issue of safety
0:42.4	in our relationships, especially more intimate relationships like marriage or core friendships
0:49.2	or familial relationships. Because like any of us know, especially in a world right now where we're all
0:57.6	just a little activated, it's a necessity in order to actually honor each other. And so I am joined
1:07.1	by my co-host and colleague and friend Dr. Dan Allender and his beloved, also my
1:14.9	colleague and friend Becky Allender, who are going to bravely and generously join me in a
1:21.9	conversation talking about how they have learned to establish safety in the midst of their marriage, you know,
1:30.3	it's no big deal, no high bar that you have to meet in this conversation. But thank you
1:36.3	for-
1:37.3	That's hilarious.
1:38.3	Like how we've developed it or how we long to be able to develop. It's just a, it's well, yeah. I also do think
1:48.8	our listeners are very privileged to hear from you because I do actually think this is something
1:53.9	you have put a lot of labor into. Well, I would say probably in the last, I don't know, five years, 10 years, way more.
2:04.4	I think 11. Because actually, our lives really started to change more while I was listening to
2:15.3	you and other people in the Allender Center teach.
	...

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