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Ask Pastor John

Counsel for Wives with Harsh Husbands

Ask Pastor John

Desiring God

John Piper, Unknown, 163859, Pastor, Ask, Theology, Desiring God, Religion & Spirituality/christianity, Christianity, Religion & Spirituality, Questions

4.83.8K Ratings

🗓️ 10 June 2022

⏱️ 14 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them,” Paul writes. But what can a wife do if she finds herself with a harsh man?

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome back to the podcast. We're going to end this week talking about a marriage struggle.

0:09.0

We've talked about many of the struggles and tensions, marriages face over the years of this

0:13.2

podcast. Here's another one of those topics when we haven't directly addressed yet. It comes

0:17.2

to us from a young wife who writes in anonymously to say this. Pastor John Hello and thank you for

0:22.4

this podcast. I have a question about your point that men, oh women, a special kind of care.

0:28.8

You've made this point several times on this podcast. In particular, Paul commands husbands to

0:34.7

not be harsh with their wives. He says this in Colossians 319. You say quote,

0:41.3

this admonition to men is owing to a peculiarly male temptation to be rough even cruel

0:48.0

into a peculiarly female vulnerability to that violence on the one hand and to a natural female

0:55.2

gladness on the other hand to be honored with caring protection and strong tenderness.

1:01.3

In quote, my question is this. My husband is not violent towards me. Praise God. But he is harsh. He's

1:09.3

just not a gentle man. How should I approach this topic with him? Well, if I'm talking to the husband,

1:17.1

so I need to just say this to get it out of the way and make sure it doesn't go unsaid.

1:23.3

If I were talking to the husband, I would have lots to say biblically, spiritually,

1:29.1

relationally about how he needs to deal with his own sins and personality quirks or weaknesses.

1:39.6

But that's not the question she's asked. She asked me us. How can I most

1:47.1

helpfully approach him on this topic? So that's what I'm going to talk about,

1:53.4

perhaps with I think I have five suggestions. Here they go. First, I would encourage our friend

2:03.3

to pray both for her husband and for herself in this matter of his harshness. Jesus said that

2:12.4

we should ask God that his will would be done on earth. That would include in our marriages

2:19.6

as it's done in heaven. And that includes that his will be done the way the angels would do it.

2:28.0

Husbands would love their wives and wives would love their husbands the way angels obey God,

...

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