Congo
Mom Can't Cook! A DCOM Podcast
Luke Westaway & Andy Farrant
5.0 • 944 Ratings
🗓️ 27 April 2026
⏱️ 145 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Andy deploys his 2026 wildcard (which is a movie we'll recap even if it's not a kids movie, TV movie or both), to devastating effect with Congo (1995), a jaw-droppingly stupid adaptation of Michael Crichton's novel that dares to ask the question: What if you had to go into the jungle to find special diamonds for the boss of a telecoms giant, but the whole region was guarded by a pack of genetically-altered super apes that happen to look like men trampolining around in unconvincing suits. Also: You have brought along a gorilla that can speak thanks to the magic of technology, but it mostly wants to get high. Also: Tim Curry is here, playing the worst-named character in all of time.
We could go on about Congo and its variously unhinged scenes, moments, accents, but we already have! In this episode of Mom Can't Cook! A DCOM Podcast! So hit play and strap in, frankly.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I'm a fish boy who skates for team X-blades with a leprechaun who plays basketball. |
| 0:09.0 | Come to my smart house. |
| 0:11.0 | My alien sister don't come hungry because I'll bet my mom can't cook. Hello and welcome to Mom Can't Cook a decom podcast. |
| 0:26.6 | I'm one of your hosts, Luke Westaway. |
| 0:28.5 | Hello and welcome to Mon Can't Cook. |
| 0:30.5 | Andy host show. |
| 0:32.1 | Andy review Congo. |
| 0:33.7 | Congo good. |
| 0:34.6 | Congo also bad. |
| 0:36.1 | Okay, right. |
| 0:36.8 | Okay, I immediately seen what's happened here. |
| 0:38.6 | Andy, have you tried to hire a speaking ape to do your podcasting job for you? |
| 0:44.4 | Andy not know what Luke talk about. |
| 0:46.7 | Andy here. |
| 0:47.8 | Andy review Congo. |
| 0:49.4 | Andy good. |
| 0:50.4 | Banana good. |
| 0:51.5 | Loop bad. |
| 0:52.5 | Bad Luke. |
| 0:53.5 | Bad Luke. |
| 1:32.3 | Okay, right. I insist that you turn on your camera right now. Go on, turn it on. I knew it. All right, fine. Yes, Luke. I thought I could maybe hire a sign language ape to do the podcast instead of me. I see that ape hurrying out the window. All right. Swinging down the drain pipe. Get out of here, Jessica. I'll get you your fee later. Jessica flips you the bird. Oh, Luke. Yeah, you saw right. Oh, she's got your car. You saw right through me, Luke. I thought after seeing Congo. Yeah. I thought I'd hit on a real racket here. Okay. I thought I'll get a sign language ape to do the podcast for me and I can just sit by the pool and watch the jack roll in. |
| 1:38.0 | I am extremely unsympathetic to anyone who watched Congo and thought anything as a result. |
... |
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