Confessions - I want to work, my husband wants a stay-at-home mum
The Therapy Edit
Anna Mathur
4.9 • 915 Ratings
🗓️ 31 January 2025
⏱️ 13 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
"My husband really wants me to be a stay at home mum and has very traditional ideas about how we should live. I used to. think this was what I wanted too but lately I've been feeling like I really need something else to fill my days beyond the children and the housework. I'm nervous about what this might do to our marriage and also a bit overwhelmed about where to start when it comes to starting a search for a job."
Anna replies with some compassionate advice and tips that will help everyone, regardless of whether they can relate to this confession or not.
Please note - the names and voices of some of the Ask Anna/Confessions contributors may have been changed at their request.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to The Therapy Edit. I'm your host, Psychotherapist and author Anna Martha. I will be bringing you bite-sized episodes twice a week full of tips, wise words from expert guests and insights to support your mental well-being. |
| 0:15.7 | Hi everyone. Welcome to today's episode of Confessions from the therapy room today's confession is |
| 0:24.6 | really interesting actually and I'm looking forward to unraveling it with you and the confession |
| 0:31.7 | is this my husband really wants me to be a stay-at-home mom and has very traditional ideas |
| 0:37.2 | about how we should live. |
| 0:38.8 | I used to. I used to think this is what I wanted. But lately I've been feeling like I really need |
| 0:44.5 | something else to fill my days beyond the children and the housework. I'm nervous about what this |
| 0:49.9 | might do to our marriage and also a bit overwhelmed about where to start when it comes to searching for a job. |
| 0:57.3 | Oh, so good. Hey, so interesting. And actually, like, I really resonate with this because my, |
| 1:05.1 | well, it's not so much from my husband's side of things, although I think he really appreciated |
| 1:10.2 | his upbringing and he had more of a traditional |
| 1:13.2 | upbringing, whereas for me, my mum worked, was actually the breadwinner throughout my childhood. |
| 1:18.6 | And so I saw her working with a physio. So she, you know, sometimes in the holidays, we would |
| 1:26.6 | sit in the waiting |
| 1:27.7 | rooms and play around with the crutches while she saw patients. And so I had a quite different |
| 1:32.4 | experience for him. However, I really, really wanted to, I imagined that when I had a baby, |
| 1:40.8 | I would really want to be that stay athome mom if I had the privilege of choosing. |
| 1:46.9 | And I think it didn't take me long into maternity leave to realise actually really, really, really |
| 1:51.9 | missed seeing clients. And I had to really challenge my own fantasy in a way. And for the both of us really challenged that fantasy because logistically |
| 2:04.5 | it did make things a little bit trickier with me kind of wanting to go back to work and, |
| 2:09.0 | you know, the costs attached to, yeah, childcare and all of those things and just juggling and |
| 2:13.5 | what that would look like. But it was, I think what was interesting for me |
... |
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