Hello everybody, it's Matt, here with a special treat.

Conan recently delivered this commencement speech at Harvard University and thought that

he'd like to share it with you, the listener.

So here you go.

Enjoy.

Welcome, trustees, deans, faculty, alumni, graduates, families,

my fellow honorans, justice department spies, and that Uber eats driver delivering mimosas.

As I look upon this gathering of tomorrow's greatest minds, I'm confident saying there is no

less flattering outfit than the cap and gown.

We all look like the potions professor at Hogwarts. Up here on stage, it feels like an AA meeting for Druids.

I want to thank President Garber for his incredible stewardship of this graduating class.

Fantastic job, sir. Really nice.

Really nice. Normally, I would give you an A-plus,

but in keeping with upcoming Harvard policy, I'm adjusting your grade to a C-minus.

Trust me, it's for the good of the school I will keep my remarks brief

because MIT's graduation is also today

and I want to give you a 15-minute head start

on your job hunt

those nerds down the river won't know and I want to give you a 15-minute head start on your job hunt.

Those nerds down the river won't know what hit them.

Also, just a quick announcement after the ceremony, Tequila shots are on me at the Porcelain Club.

Yeah. Yeah.

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