Complex Feelings and Shame about Childhood Sexual Abuse

Therapy in a Nutshell

Therapy in a Nutshell -Emma McAdam

Mental Health, Education, Health & Fitness:mental Health, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 658 Ratings

🗓️ 26 September 2024

⏱️ 14 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Learn to regulate your nervous system with my free course- Grounding Skills for Anxiety, and PTSD: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/grounding-skills-for-anxiety-stress-and-ptsd/?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=YouTube This podcast is for those of you who were sexually abused as children, who perhaps carry some shame because you had mixed and complicated feelings about that abuse. And what I mean by that is you were groomed, and maybe you liked or initiated some aspects of the situation, and now you perhaps feel ashamed, because you feel confused about whether you were a victim or a willing participant. This can directly contribute to PTSD and CPTSD. I think our collective silence about this topic leaves survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse feeling like they’re the only one who felt confused about their part in the abuse. That leads to shame that leaves them thinking that they’re broken, bad or deviant. And CPTSD can impact people for a lifetime. By the end of this podcast, you’ll be able to understand how the complicated nature of Childhood sexual abuse leads to shame, and also, how to work through that. Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapyinanutshell.com Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi and welcome to the Therapy in Nutschell podcast. I'm Emma McAdam, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
0:06.0	And it's my mission to create easy to understand educational content about therapeutic skills and topics that anyone can use in their daily life.
0:14.0	Stay tuned to until the end of the video to learn more about my mental health courses, discounts and other news related to therapy in a nutshell.
0:21.6	Hope you enjoy the episode.
0:23.6	This video covers a painful but super important topic, and I'm going to do my best to keep it not too triggering,
0:31.6	but I just feel like it's so important that we talk about it, because when we don't talk about
0:35.6	child-trial sexual abuse, it contributes to leaving victims feeling confused and ashamed. And so that's why I feel so strongly that I need to make this video because I haven't seen anyone else address this aspect of CSA. This video is for those of you who were sexually abused as children who perhaps carry some shame because you have mixed and
0:57.5	complicated feelings about that abuse and what I mean by that is that you were groomed and maybe you liked or initiated some aspects of the situation.
1:09.5	And now perhaps you feel ashamed because you feel confused about whether you were a victim or a willing participant.
1:16.6	So for example, one woman I worked with told me of her brother who was abused,
1:21.6	but he kept going back to the home where it happened and he told her that he liked it.
1:26.6	Now she couldn't understand why he could like any aspect of it, but this is actually a really common normal response when you've been groomed. So I think our collective silence about this topic leaves survivors of childhood sexual abuse feeling like they're the only ones who felt confused about their part in the abuse.
1:47.0	And that leads to shame that leaves them thinking that they're broken or bad or deviant.
1:53.0	So by the end of this video, you'll be able to understand how the complicated nature of childhood sexual abuse leads to shame, and also how to work through that. So, let's jump in. Okay, childhood sexual abuse leads to shame and also how to work through that.
2:01.6	So let's jump in. Okay, childhood sexual abuse is far too common. At least one in nine girls and
2:07.0	one in 20 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault. And I think that there's
2:12.7	a common but false idea that most CSA happens when a kid is forcibly held against their will or threatened
2:19.2	with violence. But that's simply not the case. Most CSA happens in a much more devious, manipulative way.
2:25.3	And I would say that it's in a way that's even more harmful to your long-term self-esteem because you believe that you were complicit.
2:32.3	The abuser is usually a family member or a friend.
2:36.6	Your parents may know or trust this person. This person might be an authority figure. And this can
2:41.9	create a confusing mix of feelings where love and trust coexist with feelings of betrayal and harm.
	...

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