Hi, I'm Kira from Katona, New York. I'm Russ from Bloomington, Indiana. I'm Natalie from Boston, Massachusetts. The Valley of Young America is an independent production supported by listeners like me. If you'd like to donate to support the show, is it maximum fun.org and click on donate.

It's the sound of Young America. I'm Jesse Thorne. Every year we host this conference slash convention slash festival called Max Funcon here in Southern California.

And it's a gathering of like-minded people. The like-mindedness is about their passion and especially their passion for creating and appreciating culture.

Jackie Cation is one such passionate person. She's a veteran stand-up comic and she hosts the podcast, The Dork Forest, which is an investigation of dorkiness in all its flavors.

She was one of our performers at Max Funcon 2011. Let's go to the outdoor stage of the UCLA Lake Arrowhead Conference Center, Lake Arrowhead, California, and some stand-up comedy from the very funny Jackie Cation.

Wow, you guys are, this is the coolest thing ever, man. So I'm a married, I met him online. That's the way to do it because I'm very good with computers and excellence with computers, not good with men.

So it's true. I was in Mississippi and my laptop died. Someone in Mississippi has a real computer with an operating system and a processor. No one I met.

Everyone I met was running Windows 78. It was like, he-haw, where you would walk up to a window and lift it up and go, do you have a typewriter and a bird? Anyway, but online dating, fantastic, because it's a, it's a flippin' drop-down menu option.

I'm a woman looking for a man to date. Tap it, tap, tap it, tap, exchange to me emails, dash off with Starbucks. You look at each other for the first time and then when he goes, oh, no, I gotta. And then you go home. And you do it again and again and again.

I meet someone who is at horrified by your initial appearance. It's just that romantic. And my husband makes video games for a living, which is the coolest job ever. And I was like, how did you get that job? And he said, it's perfectly obvious how I got that job. I fought my way through several levels.

And then I killed the boss. All right. And I recommend that you owe the guy who plays video games and collects action figures and reads comic books because that man is home. Right? Dude is around. He has got a curio shelf and he's got to organize his action figures. Keeps him off the pipe, keeps him off the pole. Sweet.

And we went on our honeymoon and he wanted us to get matching tattoos because he's hipstered dark, right? And he's got a tattoo. And I was just like, you wanted us to get matching. I have not tattooed people. I do not wish for a tattoo. I can't get a tattoo. I said instead of tattoos. Why don't we do what old people do in Wisconsin where I'm from when they travel, which is collect those spoons.

And he said, oh my god, let's get tattoos, those spoons. Where we would each get a cabinet tattooed on our backs and then everywhere that we go, we'd get a different spoon tattooed for the rest of our lives.

Yes. I would rather get a plate in my head and collect magnets. Road Island. Anyway. And it was really three months in the dating and it was like pulled out of him. He goes, it's kind of cool that you've never really had a boyfriend. And I'm like, what? He said, you have no expectations of me. And I said, I have expectations of me. And he goes, yeah, what are your expectations of me?

And I go, I expect you to be nice. I expect you to be polite. I expect that if we ever live together, that you will keep the common areas clean and that you will do your half of the chores. And he goes, yeah, those are roommate expectations.

Those aren't boyfriend expectations. And I was like, what are boyfriend expectations? And he goes, you don't need to know.

Yes. And now that we've married, and I'm not always listening, it's true, it's with him as well, I'm sure, which is we were in the car. I wasn't entirely listening. And I just said, I'll do whatever you want to do. And he goes, really? And I said, what just happened? What happened?

What did I just agree to? And he goes, we were talking about sex, I guess. And he goes, so you wear a costume? And I was like, what kind of costume would you like me to wear? And he goes, a shark?

We're going to give him this one because he had to come up with something in the moment, right there, right there, super fast. And because a woman could never wear a shark costume and have sex, because a shark, you can't back that ass up.

Sharks can't go backwards. But there's, I mean, there's the most men are great and are willing to help. Even bad guys, my dad's 74 year old horn dog. And here's my final example.

My father's 74 year old horn dog is, this is how he hits on women. He likes to go to the grocery store, get himself a frozen dinner, go up to a lady in her late 20s or early 30s, because that's his cut off.

And say, is this enough food for a single man? That's the worst line ever. And my dad's like, yeah, sometimes it works. So I got something else to do, because here's my impression of 98% of the men on this planet.

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