It all started with my balls. I was in Southern California and my right ball was slightly sore.

At the beginning I thought the pain might be caused by the heavy keys in the right-hand pocket of my trousers as banging against my testicle as I walked along the street.

So I moved the keys into my jacket pocket. Pain stayed for a while, and then it went away, and then it came back.

I was doing readings every day, selling my melancholy stories to the people of Orange County and places south.

I wondered some days if there might be a doctor in the audience,

who if I made a suitable announcement at the end of the reading,

could make this pain in my right testicle go away, but I didn't want to make a fuss.

When the readings were done, I went to L.A. and ignored my balls. Then I went to London and

looked them up on the internet. It was clear what I had. The right testicle was painful but not swollen,

but the veins around it had decided to swell up a bit. The internet made clear what this condition

was called. A hydrocell is a type of swelling in the scrotum that occurs when fluid collects in the thin sheath surrounding a testicle.

Older boys and adult men can develop a hydrocell due to inflammation or injury within the scrotum.

A hydrocell usually isn't painful or harmful and might not need any treatment.

Adult men with a hydrocell might experience discomfort

from the heaviness of a swollen scrotum. Pain generally increases with the size of the inflammation.

A hydrocell might be associated with an underlying testicular condition that can cause serious

complications, including infection or tumour.

Either might reduce sperm production or function.

I wrote stuff during the day and then attended a few parties

and wandered in galleries in London and went about by business

in the pretty sure knowledge that I had a hydrocell.

Had I been sure how to pronounce it, I might even have started to boast about it.

...